I Am A Goat...Hear Me...Bleat?

 

A new day dawns, a new hope arises...

 

Sounds like the beginning to some epic movie, doesn't it?

 

It is in many ways, my life is such a movie at times, full of drama and nonsense.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I figure that when I take my last breath, I'll be able to say without a doubt, "I lived".  And I am!  Lookie there.

 

Last night, in the depths of sadness I found a ray of light.  I found new conviction, new strength, a game plan even.  I don't like being without one of those so believe you me, I'm a bit relieved.  And that ray of light was my very own bestie and cousin who swung by and literally whisked me away for dinner. 

 

We had been talking about how particularly difficult this Thursday would be and she suggested we get together to help me forget.  At approximately 6:57pm (she was supposed to be at my place by 7) she texted me and said "I'm a bad date".  Lol, she ran late but that was totally fine with me and she was an astounding date to boot!  I was excited to see her and knew that my soul would be more soothed just by being in her presence.

 

You have that kind of person who soothes your soul?  Whose opinion means the utmost to you and who you can't really see life without?  That's my little cuz.  When we became so tight, seeing as how there's literally a decade between us, I have no idea but it's a blessing from heaven. 

 

Anyhow we took off to our favorite eatery Nando's.  Oh sweet lord above how I love this place.  Never been there?  Go.  Don't have one near you?  Travel.  If there is none even within traveling distance?  Petition for one to be build in a neighborhood close by.  it is just that good.  And even if I normally have very little interest in food on the whole, with this place I can not remain so cold and distant.  I annihilated my food as did my girl while the whole time we chattered.

 

I'm glad to be able to say that even at the ripe old age of 42, I am broadminded enough to try to learn lessons every single day and embrace them.  I am just humble enough to understand that not all my decisions are solid, my thoughts can be over-jaded (if that's a possibility) and that my actions can be crummy and hurtful.  Most certainly they are never meant to be (well not often) but they can nonetheless.  As I've been told, it's the delivery.  I don't hedge, I don't flub, I say what I feel when I am positive allowing an almost air of 'I don't care what you think or do' to seep into them.  This hasn't happened often but when it does I've paid a high price.

 

And as I was working through the mashed potatoes, crunching into the garlic bread, feasting on spicy chicken that made my nose run slightly, I chewed and thought, working through recent events in my mind.  It was like figuring out a puzzle.  You pick it up, look at it from all angles, devise and reject explanations and eventually there's a sort of light bulb moment which reveals the answer.  That happened to me last night as I sat there with her laughing, eating, talking, sharing and the sadness of my heart temporarily disappeared.  Do you know why?  Because I LET it.  So simple, so easy.  For that instant, I was me again.  But for sure there was a point where I paused and thought to myself:  What am I doing?

 

That's a question that I often wait for to pop up into my conscience.  It does it all on it's own.  I know it will.  When it does, it's sort of like my own personal reality check.  Through my life, those 4 words have slapped me back into place, to remind me of who I am and bring me back to myself as well.  For the past few days I've allowed external forces to dictate which way I'll go.  I've ignored wholly what I've wanted/needed and bowed to another persons insecurity and inability to be an adult and make hard decisions to take over.  I've given this person the power over me, to alter me, to make me who I am not and wait passively by like a weakling.  Trust when I say I am no weakling.  That is NOT me.  I'm a Capricorn to the core of my being. 

 

Are you grimacing, thinking, 'oh she's one of those celestial lovin' hipsters who can not leave the house without first reading the daily horoscope?  You'd be terribly wrong.  I'm far too pragmatic and so far from that it's hilarious but I don't discount the fact that the sign you're born under very much determines the type of person you are (not the type of day you'll have).  I've embraced this fact more and more lately whereas in the past I've rejected it outright.  I told you, I'm open-minded and flexible.

 

In case you were wondering what precisely are the traits of a Capricorn female?  Well here, read for yourself and yes, I can tell you that this is absolutely me in a nutshell...without a doubt:

Capricorn Traits : The Capricorn-born people are the most determined of the entire Zodiac. The most prominent qualities of the Goats, as they are called, are that they are ambitious, conservative, determined, practical and helpful. They make good team leaders and organisers, because of their single-minded focus on their work, sense of responsibility and sincerity. They are perceived by people around them to be workaholics, unemotional and detached. Sometimes their negative qualities – suspicious, resentful, inhibited, pessimistic and stubborn – are seen clearly, but deep inside the Goat is a humble heart. They are soft, and their hard outer shells are meant to guard themselves against the hurt caused by rejection.

 

In Romance:

 

Lessons to Give in Love : Loyalty and ability to take on responsibilities and provide for worldly comforts. The distinct undercurrent of wisdom and stability is their love.

Lessons to Learn in Love : Ability to let go; to give unconditionally and to be selfless in love.  

 

Personality : The Goats are very independent and believe that to depend on others is a weakness. The stern exteriors of the Capricorn-born can be misleading. When you get to know them better, the picture becomes rather different. It is true that the Goats avoid taking risks, and would stick to the tried and tested, but they also have a fun-loving streak. It is just they take more time to open up. As security is very important to them, they pursue monetary goals with dedication, but material pleasures are never their real priorities. They command respect, but never try to dominate their partners. However, when the Goats slip into the negative mode, they become inflexible and even pessimistic. Then, their love can become very conditional.

 

Love for Capricorn is : An exchange of emotions that gives mental and physical satisfaction and security. And, unlike the general opinion, love is very important to them. Love is about bonds and responsibilities, but it is also about sensuality and stability. Their stern outer looks may hide their gentle, soft side, but they do need love like anyone else. Give them time to open up, and you will see their real passion and great self-confidence, which can be very charming. Saturn infuses a great respect for age, culture, success and achievement in them, so the Capricorn native is attracted by rich and successful people. Their family has a lot of importance in their life. When they love, they look at the person as their family. They rarely go for one-night stands or superficial flirtations.

 

When in Love : The Goats are reliable and caring. Not the ones to believe in excess of emotional display, they are controlled, measured, even cautious in their approach to love. Quiet and undemanding, they do try to view the other’s perspective, though they may sometimes be perceived as being selfish. However, they themselves may not be very frank when it comes to revealing or discussing their inner desires. Deep down, they are passionate, waiting to explode in the company of an ideal mate. On the surface, most of them are conservative, but when they open up, you may have a very interesting partner beside you, who does have a sense of humour, even if it may be slightly sarcastic. Their insistence on perfection, quality and high standards at all times, however, may irritate their partners.

 

Have you ever bothered to look up your sign?  Find out what you're 'supposed' to be made out of?  Just for shits and giggles, do it.  It's very enlightening and you may have a total 'aha' moment. 

 

Anyhow, off to lunch.