Day 21 arrives with heartbreaking decisions being made and growing a spine.
As well as sporting some new boots. NOTHING like new boots to make you feel better. And red lipstick...the perfect shade too.
I'm sitting in my office listlessly watching fat flakes of snow come cascading down out of the sky. I want to be nowhere other than home under blankets reading with a steaming mug of hot tea within arms reach.
Yesterday was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I suppose I could talk about that. I suppose I could tell you that Allah (swt) is truly merciful and that God's benevolence was on full display.
Here's what happened:
On Monday night I spoke to a friend who was seriously down and out. Without going into any specifics, I can tell you that she was desperate to find a job because she was facing homelessness in short order as well as having her car repossessed. She had been struggling for 6 months to find something that would help her earn money but to no avail. I told her to hold on, finding my own words rather hollow yet still insisted that she try to believe that things would work out but her voice was devoid of any hope at all. She had gone through far too many things in her 40 odd years. Her faith was flagging.
After getting off the phone with her, I slowly went up to bed, changed, got between the sheets and proceeded to stay awake for many hours afterwards. I wracked my brain trying to come up with some solution. What could I do? What could I suggest? I was a fixer, I fixed things but I couldn't fix this. I didn't know how to fix this. Before finally drifting off into a very fitful sleep, I closed my eyes and murmured to the Almighty, "please find a solution...help her."
Yesterday morning I woke up, slugged to the bathroom and as I was showering inspiration struck. I thought to myself, why not Facebook? I have seen others asking for help in the past for this or that and I have responded so why couldn't I? Besides, it wasn't for me technically. Between getting dressed, I posted a status message hoping against hope that something would come to light.
Long story short, she now is employed. In fact today is her first day at work. The job isn't spectacular or glamorous, it pays the rent and she is so happy to have it that she informed me that she hasn't been able to stop smiling. I pray that she continues to smile forever.
This was truly the display of God's grace, mercy and love. It wasn't about my God vs. yours. I can't reduce it to that. She's a Christian, I'm a Muslim. We are still sisters regardless of our varying faiths. When she went to thank me for my help, I told her that I am but a tool of God. It's true though for as religious-y as it may sound, even if it sounds like I'm sermonizing. That isn't it. This isn't me being humble either. My faith rules me and this is how I feel. God had long ago tasked me with helping her, possibly. I wished I had thought of this a lot earlier only because by now she would have gotten a good foot hold ahead in the game but oh well...but in reality I didn't really do anything that astounding; just a few simple well chosen words and the angels found me themselves and they showed up in all forms. To me? Those are the true heroes here, not myself. I received messages within minutes and it continued throughout the day. My friends even 'shared' the SOS post so that their network may be able to help.
All day I was in the verge of tears at the bounty and outpouring of care and support. I am blessed, so damn blessed, to have such quality human beings in my life. It's not that these people are rich (in a monetary sense) or anything like that, they are just willing to help, even if it's not a lot. Isn't that just...delicious?
Let me be honest here: Selfishness is my greatest pet peeve. I can tolerate just about anything but when one has the ability to help but refuses to do so because of whatever...even in the face of knowing that someone is about to go homeless, I loose all faith in that person and have a hard time reconciling this in my head. It's a turn off, plain and simple. Compassion is probably my greatest turn on. I go nuts over someone who can show that they give a damn about someone, anyone, other than themselves.
Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that I believe if you didn't respond to that one particular post, I've relegated you to selfish status. Not at all. I just know those individuals who could have helped and didn't, for whatever reason, they didn't and that's something which just isn't okay with me. Sorry to be so judgmental and if I didn't know some of the more intimate details I wouldn't feel this way...but since I do...I'm judging.
The fact is I've slowly been losing faith in humanity for such a long time. Most certainly my pessimistic attitude isn't a good one, I'm not saying it is. It halts me from letting go totally to trust others and I'm not saying that my walls aren't up (again). They are (again). The biggest problem with this is that once they come up, it's so freakin' hard to get them down, damn near impossible and it takes forever. Anyhow, as of yesterday I at least can take comfort in the human spirit which has the ability to come screaming forth to help a lost soul restore HER faith in the world.
That's good enough for me.
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