Why Can’t You Be More Like Me?

Why can’t you eat the way I do?  Why can’t you smile as I?Why can’t you stand the way I do?  Why can’t you at least try?How come you prefer that color?  That doesn’t look good on me.Can’t you please conform your beliefs, to align to the way it should be?I’m not trying to tell you what to do, please believe me, I tell you true.But I cannot accept you for who you are that much I cannot do.

Wonder who the poet is above?  Well it’s me.  Yes, I wrote that.  Are you impressed?  You probably didn’t know I had such varying talents, eh?

I’ve been thinking about writing a blog for a while about intolerance.  This sort of thing I never know how to begin, I admit.  It’s such a touchy subject and since I usually am okay with believing that people have the right to follow their own hearts, I’ve kept my trap shut.  But recently I’ve thought to myself, if everyone and their momma’s can air their opinion, surely so can I?  Of course we all know that I have no issues with speaking up here in my beloved blog but there are even topics that I won’t touch, this, the subject of homosexuality, had been one for a while now.   It’s time to unshackle myself in a way, so here I go:

Long ago, a close friend came out of the ‘closet’ to me.  I was very young, wide-eyed and terribly innocent.  And even then after she told me, I nodded my head, accepted her truth and moved on asking her only “have you ever been attracted to me?”  She laughed, hugged me, nudged me playfully and said “of course”.  I couldn’t help but giggle too and we’ve kept a strong friendship from then to now.  I never stopped to think that she was doing something ‘unnatural’ or ‘wrong’.  I simply loved her and therefore anything she did (short of murder and willful harming of another) was acceptable to me as long as she was happy.

Approximately 2 years ago, I sat at dinner with two dear girlfriends (one gay the other in a straight relationship) and they opened my eyes to something I had thus far been ignorant about.  It was a terminology.  I had since forgotten about it until about 2 weeks ago when another friend refreshed my brain.  It’s called “pansexual”.   What is that?  Check it out -> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality.  Basically though, for those who are too lazy to click the link, it means that a person is attracted to another not according to their gender but the person that they are.  I was fascinated by this concept.  When it was first brought up to me, I actually rejected it.  How is that possible anyhow?  The basic physical attraction between any two people has to be defined, right?  I’m speaking of a totally elementary equation.    

Man -> woman. 
Woman -> Man.  Man -> Man. 
Woman -> Woman. 
Man -> ? 
Woman -> ? 

Okay wait that was weird. 

 But then a few months later I recalled a bizarre incident in India where a woman had fallen in love with an oak tree, or was it a tamarind tree?  Doesn’t matter I suppose, the point is she did and what happened?  She married it.  Yes, a priest married the tree and the woman.  Don’t ask me what happened to the ‘couple’.  I asked my mother about this and she said that this wasn’t unusual.  My mind dissolved into crickets.  You’re laughing maybe?  Particularly you westerners who are thinking even now ‘crazy easterners with their mystical nonsense.’?  Well Pookie-Bear, recently in the USA, a woman fell in love with a ferris wheel and she indeed married it (check out the article here ->http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/florida-woman-married-ferris-wheel-like-ride-loved-decades-article-1.1516404).  Sit and chew on that.  You think she’s nuts?  But is she?  How does one define love?  I mean I literally fell in love with my new leather jacket, I could not not buy it and once I did, that was it, I’ve spurred all my other jackets for it.  Is that not love or at least one definition of it?  (No, I did not marry it). 

The funny part of the two things I wrote above?  There were ‘holy men’ who actually played a part in these unions.  Yes, a person of religious standing.  Hmm…I see a few loopholes here.

I won’t lie, with every new ‘exposure’ to an alternative world/lifestyle, I feel a bit more educated and liberated.  It’s not like I’m running out to see if that universe fits me, I’m secure in mine but ignorance isn’t always bliss.  It’s a pretty big world out there just crammed with all sorts of interesting humans, some good, some not so good, some super bad and some that makes you ashamed of yourself.  That’s just how it is. 

Now let me clarify a few things.  I have lots of gay friends, lots and lots.  If you live anywhere near a city with varied cultures and races all jam-packed together into a small space, then you are going to run into those individuals of varied sexual tastes as well.  You get used to it.  It no longer surprises you as to whom you’re talking to or what they’re about.  You simply…accept.  Well at least I do.

Eons ago, after having returned from a 3 year stint in L.A. (funny enough I had never met anyone of that lifestyle there) I came back to D.C. and as a young paralegal I started to work for a medium sized law firm that seemed a bit…stuff shirt-esq.  There was a young man who sat not too far from me, tall, good looking, blond, soft spoken.  He came over to introduce himself that first day, sticking his hand out and saying ‘Hi, I’m M and I’m gay’.  I was taken aback.  Not by the fact that he was in fact gay, but because he had just dropped it like that right in the middle of an introduction.  He saw my confusion and said with a shrug of his wide shoulders, ‘you probably will ask me eventually about my significant other, girlfriend/wife, so before any awkward moments can occur, I may as well put it out there’.  I was actually appreciative.  We became quite close and I absolutely loved that guy.  Had he wanted a fag hag (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fag_hag) (oh, please don’t be perturbed by my use of the word, get over it), I would have been his without question. 

I have no issues with the gay lifestyle.  I hang out with those who follow it, who are a part of it, who are it.  I laugh and joke with them; I eat from the same plate and drink from the same glass.  I go shopping with them, talk about their work, aspirations, dreams and goals.  Yes, we even talk about their love lives.  I take advice from them and have cried with them over my own existence.  I do not think I’ll ‘catch’ it; in fact I know I won’t.  This is not a disease that can be transmitted through a cough or sneeze.  Nor do I assume to think that they are going to try to convert me by chanting into my ear how much I want to be ‘just like them’.  Folks who are homosexual (or whatever other designation they choose) just don’t have the time.  And guess what?  They can be just as dumb and boneheaded, just as emotional and mean, just as stupid and irrational as their heterosexual counterparts.  They are people, just like you and I.  Got it?

Do I subscribe to it?  No, I don’t.  I am fully hetero.  My religion does not recognize it and I accept this too.  Once I heard an Imam say, ‘God has created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve’.  You know what?  I laughed at that.  I didn’t think he was being intolerant; he is a man who has studied his religion and understands it completely.  That’s what it says, so that’s what it is.  How do I argue that?  But on the other hand I do not remember reading anywhere in the Quran that I should stone to death a random gay person who simply walks by me.   I don’t go throwing my beliefs at them; neither do I lecture them about how they ‘should’ be.  Who am I to do this?  For me, it’s between you and whoever your creator is.  If you believe in God then it’s between you and Him/Her/It.  If you believe there is no god, then it’s between you and…well whatever, maybe Papa Smurf.  I just don’t care enough.  The fact is I’m trying to get in good with the Creator myself, that’s what keeps me occupied.  I don’t have time to worry about your immortal soul when I’m sorta trying to keep mine out of exceedingly hot temperatures.    

Now if you ask me about what I think about it on a more personal religious level?  That’s a different story.  I will openly tell you that whereas I don’t agree with the lifestyle, that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with your choice to follow it.  You aren’t trying to change me; I’m most certainly not trying to change you.  If you want to debate why I don’t believe in it, well then I won’t hold back.  I have the right to my opinion.  I will not shy away from my beliefs at all nor be embarrassed that I follow the basic laws of my chosen religion but again I will not try to convince you that you are wrong.  That’s just not my thing.

So you can throw at me that I’m still ‘intolerant’ simply because I’m saying what I’m saying or rather because I dare say that I don’t ‘agree’ with it.  Okay, you can go right on ahead.  I’ve seen this far too many times on Facebook and surprisingly enough it goes both ways.  I’ve witnessed so many individuals who vilify anyone who seems even the slightest bit ‘off’ from their own beliefs.   And the funny thing is, it comes from both the tolerant and intolerant.  I’ve read posts from folks who have said ‘why aren’t you more tolerant?  You’re a racist/bigot/blah blah blah…’ when someone who is religious dares post something…well religious.  And never mind the slurs against anyone living an alternative lifestyle.  You’ve all seen it.  I don’t have to repeat it here.

What makes me sad though is that neither side can leave well enough alone.  You know what, why don’t you just worry about what you post, if it aligns with your beliefs then good for you, Cupcake.  Don’t worry about what Bubba is writing about his pick-up and how he’s gonna go shooting coons, and please turn a blind eye to the skinny bootilicious white girl who goes on about how the hardest thing in her world is fitting into a pair of skintight jeans.  You disagree that someone is bashing those who like mixing stripes with plaids, delete.  If you hate those who like broccoli, delete.  If you love biking but become irritated when someone says that they think you’re dumb for loving it because it is in fact dangerous, well…delete.   You don’t like these people?  They don’t fit into your ‘world’ well there’s something called the ‘de-friend’ option.  Use it.  Don’t go on a rampage of telling them how much you disagree with their POV (hellooooo, it’s called a POV for a reason), putting them down and questioning their lifestyle choices because you’re a vegan tree hugger who marches in every protest under the sun (and by the way, if that’s your thing, then more power to you).  That doesn’t make you better, it simply makes you different.  Get over yourself. 

You don’t like carrots but you think everyone should love them?  Um, right.

You love steak but think the chick who munches on lettuce nonstop is insane?  Whatever.

You prefer traveling internationally as opposed to getting to know your own country?  Okay.

How about you like the male form more than the female?  Good for you.

Break down everything that you like and look at it from another angle.  Why do we have to all be the same anyhow?  How totally boring is that?  And if you’re spouting the ‘right’ thing to do because it comes from a more religious part of your upbringing, then okay but what about the pure definition of the word tolerance?  And I don’t mean tolerance in the sense of embracing what others believe, but may be simply saying ‘alright, I may not agree with it but hey, it’s your life, you go do you, Boo Boo.’ And be done with it. 

I guess I’m writing this because lately I’ve seen so much intolerance in the world, whether it be down the street, around the corner, across the ocean, on television or in the newspaper.   The prejudice is definitely on sexual preference for sure but also extends to religion, color, culture, child rearing, soft drink penchant, music, clothes, etc.  How judgmental are we, really?  I don’t know about you, but it makes me sad.  And did the Almighty really want us to be like this?  Was this God’s intention?  If we took a moment to realize that each one of us have lived a different life from the other (even if you live in the same household) then we would also realize that by default our thinking, beliefs and basic likes vs dislikes would be different (of course).  And frankly, I think this world could be a much more…tolerable place.

Just sayin’ Folks, just sayin’.