boring mindless nonsensical ramblings of a crazy woman about to hit writers block

Oh gosh today is one of those days when I want to write about something but absolutely nothing comes to mind.  Have you ever experienced this, particularly you other bloggers out there?  I have before and what this usually means is impending and looming writers block.  Yes Crickets, writers block!  And it’s usually pretty horrible.  Can you almost hear the dramatic music crescendo-ing?

So I agree that this may not be quite the ‘end of the world’ scenario that I’m making it out to be, I mean after all I am sitting here and writing, right?  Ironically enough I’m writing about not being able to write.  What’s wrong with this picture?   And haven’t I actually blogged about this same darn thing before?  =\

Here’s something I realize (although I don’t think this ‘light bulb’ moment is recent but I’m just being redundant), when my mind is going a hundred miles an hour in a hundred different directions, thinking a hundred crazy things that I shouldn’t be thinking about, inevitably I feel much calmer when I can focus on putting my thoughts down onto paper.  Of course this works when I have one thought that I can most zero in on but, oh frustrated growly sigh, that doesn’t always happen.  Sometimes I may have a thought that, a few days ago, seemed rather brilliant to write about but by the time I take keyboard to fingertips… *poof*  gone or worse I start to type and I’m staring at the page like a zombie wondering why anyone, and I mean anyone, would want to read this nonsense.  That is the oncoming of writers block for me.

And what precisely does this mean?  I don’t mean the dictionary term for it but as in how does it manifest exactly?  I stop writing.  Truly stop writing and I don’t mean for a few days.  No, this goes on for months.  Once I went for a year not having memorialized one single thought at all.  Yea, I dropped off blogosphere completely while successfully dodging questions as to what had happened.  When I couldn’t totally get away with a flippant explanation to some more adamant readers (mostly close friends) my response was that there was a severe lack of motivation, nothing to say in the least and more pointedly during that time frame I just did not want to share my thoughts.  Yes, dark thoughts they were, unhappy and most certainly very private.  Those were the times when I used to think that nothing in my existence was worth sharing with anyone, not even with me to be frank.  Do I still feel that way? Yes.

But then again to some extent I must want to share right, since here is the very evidence of my need?  Actually to tell you the truth, it’s not necessarily my present that I mostly convey in my writing, it’s my past.  My future, well that’s yet to be realized hence what can I say about that?  I’m one of those annoying folks who don’t like to talk about my hopes and dreams since 9 times out of 10 they never materialize any way.  It’s bad enough that I know that I can be an epic failure, but for the whole world (and those 12 people who follow me) to also know?  No way.  That’s just too humiliating for words. 

Back to my past, yes, let’s thank those memories that honestly were the reason this blog was created.  Of course you could be cursing them as well for the exact same reason but if that were the case, then get off my damn blog page, what the heck are you doing here anyway?  Sheesh.

Um, wait was it that I was saying?  Oh right, so the past of course is what has helped me decide to open this blog and share.  And truly I do love it although sometimes too many reliving of memories can be a bit depressing.  I try hard to go from serious reflections of the world around me, to funny anecdotes about what’s happening to me (or others) which can jump to such topics as childhood recollections of this or that and even sometimes simple conversations retold from my POV.  These aren’t things you haven’t witnessed if you’ve been following me.

Dang it, I don’t even know where I was going with that thought.  Talk about being scatter brained today.  I’m glad with this blog at least I took the time to look back and re-read.  This is total crap!  Ok, onwards I go, even if the next paragraph is in no way connected to the previous, just read on and get it over with… 

Let me restate again, today writing seemed neigh on impossible and I, up to this moment, was not happy about it.  I was in fact just biatching to my girlfriend S about how I feel as if I’m about to hit a wall particularly because the topic I started on was going no where.  She asked me what it was that I was at least attempting to write and I told her “Bollywood”.  Honestly I could have told her I’m writing about a paper clip and she would still be ‘intrigued’ to see what I came up with.  She’s so totally awesome and (at least I believe) one of my biggest supporters, my cute little Chocolate Cupcake : )   Oh incidentally, she’s a pretty fantastic writer herself (as well as a kickass photographer, an amazing teacher and so artsy creative that she makes me downright envious of her talents).  I’ve added her blog URL at the bottom, do check it out.  She’s worthy of the read : )  Heck never mind looking at no darn URL, let me give it here:   http://saltyyfish.blogspot.de/

 

So yea, the Bollywood blog, where is it?  No, don’t bother going back to the home page to see if you can find it, you won’t be able to I assure you.  Clearly I did not post it and that’s because after about 2.5 sentences I found absolutely nowhere to go with it.  I mean nada Crickets, not a damn place.  Even those 2.5 lines seem far too contrived and frankly boring to me.  Mind you, I did give it my old college try.  I think I sat here for far too long wondering how I could spin it to make the story/retelling/whatever interesting but nope, I believe this one is dead in the water.  I can’t, I just can’t post something that I’m at least not somewhat pleased with so that particular one shall be put back onto the shelf until such time that my thoughts have managed to gel themselves together and I can come up with something noteworthy to say (yea right, because like anything I have written thus far has been so superiorly astoundingly groundbreaking-ly awesome, right?)

Err…weird though, in my effort to warn you about the impending and looming wall of non-writing, I managed to write.  Hmm…I wonder if this will keep working.  Like every time I fear writer’s block I just write a blog about it and whammo, I’m back?  Seems like a plan to me.

Well that’s that.  Have I managed to make your eyes cross?  I promise, promise, promise that the next blog I post will be far more amusing and less mindless.  If I was less lazy, I would hashtag this as ‘boring mindless nonsensical ramblings of a crazy woman about to hit writers block’.  Can one do that?  Never mind, I won’t do it anyhow.  But Oh, it will make a great title.

 : )