I was scrolling through FB and a friend posted a video that recently had gone viral. It's of a douchebag in an airplane molesting a woman who, in turn, decided to exact retribution for the world to see in the form of a video of her ripping into him. He's Indian, no shocker there. She's also Indian, which is a much bigger 'shocker'. The reason that her being desi is a bigger surprise is because she was actually proactive, deciding to take matters into her own hands instead of sitting back and taking it as if she was supposed to ignore it. I so don't think so.
This made me remember something: A few years back, I went to pick up my niece at the airport. She was only about 12/13 I believe, arriving to the States for the first time wide-eyed and eager. I can still recall distinctly holding her hand walking through the airport towards the exit when she leaned over and whispered into my ear, "Chachi, no one is looking!"
I was confused for a moment, wondering what she was talking about. She clarified, "well, I mean none of the men are staring at me in that bad way, it's very nice."
I grimaced in disgust and understood precisely what she meant.
My country, Bangladesh, is beautiful. If you've never gone you should for certain. The colors, the sounds, the food, the culture, even the people, all fascinating as well as captivating. And for foreigners, the experience is quite unique. The locals there truly live by the code that guests are the representative of God.
Lovely, isn't it? And then let's not forget how cheap everything seems to be as compared to anywhere else in the world. You can go from a big city to a village in some remote area in short few hours and you've never seen such beautiful mountains or beaches for that matter. All in all, I look forward to trips back home. Particularly because there is such a large facet of family still there. Vacations in Bdesh always meant relaxation, fun, general happiness.
But there was this one aspect which I abhorred more than anything and on several occasions made me not want to go back. It was how men stared at women. I'm not talking about sideways glances, oh heck no. Imagine bold outright gawking in the most disgusting way possible. There was absolutely no consideration as to how old the target was...as long as she was a she, that was enough. And the thing is, it was totally acceptable within society.
In fact females are taught to cover their hair, keep eyes down, gaze averted, do not wear clothes that show too much skin, do not laugh too loud, do not talk to loud, do not...etc...but men are not told that you should keep your damn eyes to themselves and learn to respect women. This is highly amusing when one considers that Bdesh has labeled itself a "Muslim" country and as far as I remember learning in Arabic classes, one must avert their gaze from that of the opposite gender. Yea, not so much in these countries, sorry to say. I suppose that would be asking for too much. And in a country where women are relegated to the home, and now work to home, while men are literally wandering around all over the place, (as in gathering in huge groups doing absolutely nothing useful other than gossiping, leering at women or harassing said females), what else can you expect? No matter how high the position, how educated a woman can be, how respected, she will still be stared at as soon as she so much as steps foot outside the house/work.
I was stunned when this happened to me, or rather when I first realized it. It was probably also one of the most uncomfortable and unsettling feelings in the world. To know that so many eyes are trained on you, watching silently, assessing, undressing...ugh. And as it doesn't matter how old the female is, equally it doesn't matter how old the male is who is doing the watching. From young to the decrepit, they stare, whistle, lick their lips, wink, hoot, croon stupid Bollywood songs...without any sense of embarrassment at all.
Throughout the years, this abhorrent behavior has only escalated till now media is flooded with scads of reports of public harassment of women. I wish it was one thing to be harassed (which is bad enough), but then there are the consistent horrific reports of women and little girls being raped and left for dead. Crazy part, some of these atrocities are being committed with plenty of witnesses who can't be bothered to step in. Either it's in fear of retaliation or they just don't give enough of a damn because the female in question isn't someone they know anyhow.
As for the police? All I have to say about that joke of an organization is: What law enforcement? If a woman hasn't been abused enough by the one doing the abuse, I assure you, the cops will take care of the rest of it until the humiliation and denigration has been complete.
I shake my head with a heavy, heavy heart at this. I won't say that I'm the bravest person on earth but I'm not timid either. When something is jacked up and it's happening before my eyes, you damn straight better believe I'm not going to turn away or ignore. My conscience wouldn't allow me to anyhow. And it makes me wonder: Where is the collective conscience? Why the hell do these men, who are such leeches outside, not consider that other such men are doing the exact same thing to those females they have labeled family or friends?
It's a sad society where women are so objectified and I believe, in my humble opinion, that half of it if not more has to do with the fact that the genders aren't allowed to mingle. There is a separation by society. Girls are not supposed to hang out with 'boy' 'friends' and if they are caught doing so, instantly the worse is assumed. What happens when this sort of normal freedom is taken away? Well then they run around acting like fools. In fact that is what pushes them to treat a boy they would otherwise not be interested in, as a romantic possibility. To top that all off, when you have such a great percentage of females relegated to stay within the confines of their homes, thus remaining unrepresented within society, than when they do appear it's like spotting a unicorn. You can't believe your eyes.
Here, as in the States, we aren't restricted from hanging out with boys and we are even allowed male friends. This progressive mindset of the same parents who immigrated from these mentally backwards country, is impressive. Sure they may not have actually had this freedom but they also understand that just because your daughter is hanging out with a few boys, it doesn't mean she is getting involved. Now, that's not to say we're free to date and yada, yada, but I'm talking on a more basic level...friendship.
I admit, we almost take the ability to mix freely here for granted but reality has slapped me across the face many times when I've gone back home. There are plenty of places I dare not venture and feel more comfortable when a male counterpart/family member accompanies me. There is no such thing as 'running to the store' over yonder. You can't just stroll out and run errands. And there have been times when I've covered my head and yes, even I, avert my gaze downwards. I do not do this because I think I am at all inferior or subservient but rather because the gazes which meet mine makes me want to go take a bath in Clorox and scrub with a metal wire thingie.
Oh, this isn't also just a Bangladesh thing, if in case you were thinking that. It's happening everywhere in most 3rd world countries. It seems like there is a serious lack of educating on the differences between the right and the wrong behavior in public. Parents do not take the time to sit down with their son to say something like, "if you go out and leer at a girl and we know about it or hear about it, we're gonna beat yo ass till you can't sit" (or something similar). Instead these boys are told to study hard and become a doctor/IT professional/business owner, eventually marry a 'good girl' who can cook, bear you children and even work (but not so much that she neglects you or the home) and never mind the rest, it isn't important as long as you treat your mother and sister with respect and dignity.
The fact is, bad behavior is not only learned from home by the lack of education and yes by a plethora of examples, but fostered there. If you never teach your kids how to act then you can be guaranteed that they will always be a fool and will not be able to differentiate between right and wrong (such a simple concept too *sigh*).
Well there you have my two cents. I suppose it's not worth anything really but I felt the need to share regardless.
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