Ramadan 2014 Day 4 - Wednesday, July 2

I could sum up this day in one word:  exhausting.

Once again hunger and thirst seemed to be at bay but had I any energy level, like those you see on a video games next to me, it would be in the red and all the way at the bottom. 

Granted I shouldn’t really complain since Allah (swt) has blessed me (Alhamdulillah) with a job where I stay indoors as well as in perpetual air conditioning so I haven’t had to deal with the oppressive heat.  There’s that.  However one doesn’t truly realize the importance of food for proper brain functionality until one need to use one’s noggin.  Today, I needed brain power, for sure.

As luck would have it (note that there’s a lot of sarcasm in the word “luck”), for the last few weeks one of my cases have blown up.  Think nuclear explosion big.  Now because I like the folks I’m working with at the law firm (which is rare indeed) I don’t mind the midnight requests for this or that, or the questions that have been aimed at me at all times of the day and night, weekends included, nor even the impromptu phone calls being made on my personal cell phone (really…seriously…no I don’t mind…not really).  I’ve taken it all in stride.  But since last Friday, when I thought things were going to wind down a bit, I realized how foolish I was.

What’s beyond a nuclear explosion?  I’m not sure but that’s what happened.  May be multiple explosions?  Nonetheless, super star colleagues from all departments jumped into the fray to help but all these prior weeks were obviously leading up to yesterday, a super peachy ‘thpethal’ one.  Between fielding internal and external calls, jumping onto conference calls with the client, receiving and responding to emails that required research (and answers), meetings after endless meetings, readjusting work flows and more meetings (there may have been a carrier pigeon involved as well, I can’t quite remember since it’s such a blur) my brain was on overload.  Plus I was sleep deprived.  And then I was fasting.  And…well I’m sure there are a few more “and’s” but I’m far too humble to type them out because now I’m just looking all ‘woe is me’. 

If there was any day in which I could have used fuel for the brain, it was this day.  This day in which my brain was beating me with a club demanding to be fed and I steadily ignored it.  Then about 1pm, as I sat in a strategic meeting with my boss and 2 other colleagues, I was asked a question to which I responded with a few empty blinks of eyelids.  My boss, who had been talking to me, stopped and gave me a quirk of his eyebrow.   I looked back, my eyes glassy.  And this prompted him to say “um yea, you okay?”

I wanted to snap back, “obviously not” but since I genuinely like him and had no interest in being rude (see, I’m learning patience) I instead literally dropped my head into my folded arms on the table and shook my noddle (subsequently going woozy from that action alone).  Then I looked up from that position and the voice that came out of me was breathless and whiny (ugh, so whiny, how he didn’t fire me on the spot is a mystery)…”Kevinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn….I wanna go homeeeeeeee….”

Now, this is just how cool my boss is and precisely why I j’adore him.  He sighs heavy, gives me a straight forward non-judgmental look, shrugs his shoulder and said ‘go home, whenever you want, you’re a professional.’

I would have whooped with joy had I energy to do so but since I didn’t I mustered up a weak smile and nodded my head (carefully).  I still didn’t end up leaving until nearly 5.  Meh.

Anyhow, so one of the biggest pitfalls of fasting?  Going to the grocery store.  Seems so simple, right?  You would be wrong.  Long ago I learned that this was a bad idea when I was still single and living at home.  My mother and I would go to the Giant and end up coming home with the most ridiculous items such as Stove Top Stuffing mix, instant make-it-at-home pizza kits and a plethora of desserts out of the yingyang.  Whatever either of us wanted, we would buy. Conversely right after breaking fast we would stare at the random foods wondering  not only what the heck it was that we thought we were doing (at that time it was all quite brilliant purchases) but when we figured we would consume said crap and then promised that we would never go to the grocery store hungry again.  Well that’s not an undertaking one can easily keep over the course of a month, fasting or no fasting, unless you’re hoarders.

With every intention of picking up some grocery from the local Bangladeshi store (yea, I decided on this with a whole heaping load of trepidation), I aimed my headache-free car in that direction and somehow found myself, instead, at the Bangladeshi restaurant adjacent to it.  Let’s not talk about what I purchased.  It’s embarrassing but I did eat well.  For me, that’s a big deal, particularly during Ramadan when after the first sip of water and euphoric bite of a date, I lose my appetite straightaway.

You’re thinking, what’s the lesson I learned today?  There isn’t one to be honest.  I mean I can’t re-promise that I won’t grocery shop during the month, I will, I guarantee it and to be honest being less of a glutton isn’t really a legit promise either, since no one could say I am one (although you wouldn’t think so by simply looking at me…moo).  But hey, I did display some sense of serenity throughout an extremely hectic trying day while internally I was screaming. 

Hopefully I’ll have a lesson to find tomorrow.

Ramadan 2014 Day 3 - Tuesday, July 1

 

Well the first day of July is here.  Hard to believe that more than half the year has passed.  Feels like time flies the older I get which is something every older person says.  One year leaches into another seamlessly with me barely noticing.  Then again I’ve stopped noticing the big things, so never mind these little ones, right?  Still I can’t help but think in the beginning of each year that I have so much time but in reality I blink and it's another new year.  Fact is, all the time, is never enough time.

Here’s a good example:  last night (June 30) I was informed by a close friend that he was in the hospital, after having suffered a minor heart attack.  He's only 40.  He's already had 2 in his life as well as a stroke.  This guy is the walking talking poster boy for why stress management is important, seriously.

As he filled me in on the details, I sat stunned, listening to his tired voice and feeling a mixture of sympathy and frustration.  The answer to his health issues was easier than he could even fathom and clear to me.  Then again I was standing outside looking in.  My vision was clearer than his and we never see what’s right in front of us, do we?  But this is what I’ve taken away from my friend’s heart attack, here's the next lesson I'll be learning during this Ramadan I suppose, besides patience:  Mastering the art of relaxing and slowing down.

No, this wasn't written out anywhere in the Quran.  There isn't a verse that says 'seriously dude, you need to chill out' although seeing something like that would be fairly awesome.

However, I'm somewhat educated about my religion (not a lot but just enough to be able to write about it without looking like a presumptuous know-it-all) and it doesn't take a scholar to understand what the basic message is here.  Let me break it down for you, my beloved readers.

In Islam, it's important to slow down, to rest.  And in fact it's built right in to the very practice of the religion itself.  For instance, most by now have heard that we are required to pray 5 times a day.  Sure, it’s a totally physical action of devotion, unlike other religions where praying basically is a quiet internal act, ours is all up and down and bending and standing and side to side....Sounds tiring?  Well it is but the truth remains that if you are somewhat following the edicts of God and are in fact praying the prayers those 5 times a day, then no matter how busy you are, you are being forced by the word of God alone to slow down. 

There’s also this thing that Muslim’s do which is a good example of what I’m trying to say.  It’s called Ibadah (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibadah) that kind of proves my theory that Islam is all about rest and relaxation.  I’ve never believed that worshipping Allah was to simply pray 5 times (don’t misunderstand me, that’s one ginormous aspect).  Do digress for a moment here: to be honest, I do believe (and this is only my belief alone) that certain folks can pray if they’re OCD enough, out of fear or even habit.  Sometimes it’s about just the motions and the reciting of the same two verses over and over again as you’re on autopilot. 

Anyhoo…to me I also never quiet thought that my religion is all about trying to convert anyone nor continuously and unabashedly stating that you are right while everyone else?  Wrong!  Um, no.  My religion sounds arrogant but it’s not.  It encourages to ask questions and debate and talk.  And although it may not accept other religions that doesn’t mean the Muslim’s do not embrace those not of our religion. 

Sure many reading this may be thinking ‘what about the cries of infidel and jihad?’  My answer:  like so many other religions, the word of God is often twisted and turned to support the cause of one person or a small group.  Use your brains folks, no religion that so respects its neighbor basically says “c’mere lemme kill you because you aren’t Muslim”.  Nope.  Islam = tolerance (believe it or not).  Don’t believe it?  Well pick up a Quran and you can see for yourself.    

To me, religion is personal.   So personal in fact that it’s a whisper between me and Allah.  I do not need to advertise it or assure anyone else about my Imaan (faith) again that is between me and my God. This is where Ibadah comes into play.  Basically I think the best way to describe what it means (aside from the Wikkie link I provided) is to say that it’s discourse between you and god.  Sounds nutso, right?

Well hold on, it’s not.  This is akin to what pastors do in their pew when they sermonize and the congregation goes ‘amen’ or ‘yes lord’.  But this is internal and private.  You’re often sitting alone with rosary beads in your hands or may be reading passages from the Quran.  Ibadah is very calming and forces you to slow your otherwise frazzled bootay down.

Well, I would write more examples but to be honest the day has been…interesting.  Besides last night where my friend told me the news about his heart attack and me subsequently giving him lectures about how to handle his stress and may be not go back to the hospital ever again (because if he did I would find him and kill him because I genuinely like him so him dying…not cool), I came to work and ended up breaking into an allergic rash from some critter that had bitten me inside my home.  Awesome. 

And then..the USA vs Belgium game.  OHMERGAWD!!!!! Can you say ‘stroke’?  I nearly had one along with tiny little heart attacks throughout the 2^nd 15 minute overtime.  In fact I’m going to stop thinking about it now because I’m going to have heart palpitations again and I’m just too light headed to deal with that at this moment.  

But the convo with my buddy (you know, the one who had the REAL heart attack?  Yea that guy) gave me food for thought.  In a flash I relived those days when I too didn’t understand what the word “rest” meant.  Nor the myriads of words that go hand in hand with that one.  The only reason I wasn’t a total hypocrite in what I was telling my buddy was because I had visited an emergency room a few years ago after believing I was having a heart attack.  I took that incident and taught myself that nothing and I mean absolutely NOTHING, is so important that you die over it, most certainly not no stinkin’ job. I learned stress management, how to say no and how to even walk away on occasion without thinking that I was letting anyone down. 

He listened but knowing him, he won’t take my advice that easily.  Knowing him, he will struggle with his internal need to be a perfectionist and prove himself in a profession that is very new to him.  Knowing him, I’ll have to go see him and slap him upside the head and tell him to ‘knock it off’.  He knows I’ll do it also. 

Here’s the funny thing though (not haha funny but rather ironic), in the last several months I’ve been doing precisely what my buddy has been doing.  I‘ve been tirelessly trying to prove to my new colleagues that I am good at what I do.  I work all sorts of stupid OT and weekends, I monitor my phone closely for client emails or whatnot and I’m always running schedules around in my head and making workflows.  So at the end of the day?  I indeed am a bit of a hypocrite.

Fine, as hypocritical as those words of advice had been to my friends, I will strive to make them non-hypocritical.  I’ll set an example.  In fact last night (I’m writing this on the 2^nd of July) when I went to a quaint trendy coffee shop in my hood with my cousin to enjoy some tea after breaking fast, I ignored incoming emails from work.  National security nor was anyone’s very life dependent upon me answering those emails so…they could wait.

Wish me luck in trying to perfect this lesson as well.  Sigh…oh boy I have so much to learn, it’s endless. 

InshAllah, Allah will see me through.

Ramadan 2014 Day 2 - Monday, June 30

Back to work and it wasn't going to be easy, or so I didn't think so.  After all first day of work while fasting...always a bit scary. 

 

The night before I was up till 4 am working to put out a fire that had sprung up and which saw my clients running around in circles screaming.  By the time I started the fast, I was exhausted and emotionally drained.  Oh, and sleep deprived.  But then again, I'm always walking around in an internal fog of sleeplessness.

 

Coming into work bleary eyed, I wondered to myself if I wanted coffee.  Like literally, I had an internal convo that went something like this:

 

Me 1:  Do you want coffee?

Me 2:  No, I don't think so.

Me 1:  Are you sure?  You may want some.

Me 2:  I'm pretty sure I'm okay for now.

Me 1:  This could be psychological, it'll hit you later.

Me 2:  Why do you have to be like this?

Me 1:  You mean a realist?

Me 2:  No a pessimist, go away.

Me 1:  Fine, but I'm sure you want coffee.

 

I sound pretty lunatic, don't I?  And one would think coffee wouldn't be the biggest problem I would face, that may be hunger would be greater?  Nope, I can assure you I'm like every other modern worker bee, java has become the elixir of life.  No coffee, no smiles.  Back away slowly from the crazy Muslim Desi Umrican.  But let me get back to the my story here:  much like the day before, I still wasn't hungry.  And as the day zoomed by in a frenzy of multiple projects exploding at the same time and clients demanding attention, I had no time to stop and think about food nor hunger. 

 

There were times though, that I felt my patience slip. 

 

One of the things we're supposed to learn during this month is tolerance, to keep calm and cool, and most importantly, be kind.  I admit this Ramadan these things haven't been easy to come by.  Whereas in the past this hasn't been much of an issue, for the last two days I've been struggling not to snap anyone and everyone's head off.  I've been constantly disappointing myself and asking Allah (swt) to give me strength and the forbearance to turn away from my own anger.  So far, I've failed at this.  Big time.  Like HUGE!

 

Yesterday a colleague entered my office, a person I will admit I'm not a fan of in the first place due to his sheer arrogance and know-it-all as well as 'I'm way above you on the food chain' attitude (when in reality he is not), and this person started to demand from me my CV.  This is something I've already provided him last week and thought I was done with it. 

 

But no, apparently I didn't do it right, it read too much like a 'resume'.  Right, I thought CV's were just resume's on Speed, weren't they?  Whatever, I'd do it anyhow but from that moment on till yesterday never mind editing a CV, I couldn't breath.  Life had become nothing but a string of unending tasks and projects which wouldn't let up.  My eyes started to bleed from staring at a computer that reflected back to me facts and figures that made my heard swim and my vision cloud.  Yea, a CV was at the very end of my 'to-do' list.  Something I had told this man, although not quite so dramatically, over and over again whenever he had popped his little bald head into my office intermittently throughout the course of the week. 

 

However, yesterday as he stood in my office pestering me (keep in mind that I had two deadlines both within an hour away for a client delivery looming like giants in front of me), my temperature started to rise (not in a good way) and I felt the fuse sizzle.  I looked up with narrowed eyes and he must have seen something there to make him pause and step back, like physically step back.  Now, for most of you who know me on a personal level, you have witnessed this look.  It's not a pleasant one by any stretch of the imagination and for those who haven't seen it?  Be grateful for this fact.  You don't want to.  And knowing what precisely that expression must have looked like myself and at that moment as he took the miniscule stop back, I paused, emitted a soft groan under my breath muttering a curse (halal curse of course), and then mentally whacked myself.  What good was observing Ramadan when I couldn't follow some of the basic tenants?  By that time he had backed out of the room, leaving me feeling ashamed and horrible about myself.

 

Yea, so this probably will be my struggle.  Not the whole food thing or even drink thing (I'll eat and drink plenty the rest of the 11 months of the year), it'll be patience.  I admit though, where sometimes I have the patience of a saint at other times I even scare at how short-tempered I can be. 

 

The rest of the day went by pretty speedily.  I got home, warmed up some food, broke the fast and went right back to work (well to my laptop at least).  As I fielded email after email, while keeping an eye on the clock, I kept whisperings prayers, "yes, Allah (swt) if you give me nothing else at all, if I learn nothing, give me and teach me patience."

 

On with the struggle.

 

Stay strong all of you out there!

Ramadan 2014 Day 1 - Sunday, June 29

After weeks of mentally preparing, the evening had arrived to state our intentions to God and start down the road of virtuousness.   That may be stretching it a bit. In essence?  It was the eve before Ramadan.  I read an interesting stat somewhere this morning that 95% of Muslims observe the fast.  Now we know that 95% of all our Brethren are not all that religious so basically?  Most observe Ramadan not only because it's required of us but frankly it's a good way of getting in good with the Big Guy up there. 

 

I ate two tablespoons of natural peanut butter with nothing else, had two huge glasses of water and headed off to bed.  I couldn't sleep at all.  I instead sat in bed thinking, a lot. 

 

Surprisingly, the first day wasn't that hard in the typical 'I'm dying and I need food now, now, now!!' sort of way that I'm usually accustomed to.  Even coffee cravings hadn't hit me at all.  I got up, did some work, went to my parents and proceeded to be on my feet from 3pm to 10pm.

 

Considering the astounding amounts of food my mother had prepared, the heavenly aromas wafting to practically the rafters of the home and the sizzle, sizzle of whatever it was she was frying, I should have been frothing at the mouth.  But most shockingly not once through the course of the day did I become hungry nor was I thirsty.  In fact aside from just fatigue, I felt nothing.  My mind was preoccupied and in many ways I was going through the motions.  As our family members arrived just before sundown, I stood frying spicy pakora's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pakora), stirring a bubbling pot of my mom's famous haleem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haleem) and peeking into the oven to make sure the chicken patties hadn't over baked, and though it all smelled ah-maz-ing, I didn't feel even the least bit of compulsion to drool. 

 

One after another the family began to arrive with ready hugs, exhausted smiles and a gaunt hungry look that's very symbolic of this time of month.  You would laugh, had you the energy.  Most of the conversation was either whirling around what was eaten before sun-up or whether the lack of food/drink itself had hit anyone particularly hard or at the other spectrum of conversation was what cravings were being had.  Someone asked me how I was feeling, I responded with "fine", blinking owlishly.  I believe I wandered away.  My head weighed a ton but there was no indication of a headache.  My heart felt heavy.  But meanwhile the chatter continued.

 

For the most part it was all about eating and hunger.  Understandable under the circumstances but I couldn't help but wonder to myself what was wrong with me?  Why wasn't I struggling at all?  Not even the slightest indication of a headache which was normal with me or a slight rumble of the tummy.  And as the chaos that usually occurred during the breaking of the fast ensued, I quietly took a plate, sat down and closed my eyes. 

 

I asked Allah (swt) for patience, guidance and strength. 

 

As I gently bit into that first date, allowing the sweetness of it to explode in my mouth, I kept my eyes closed and sighed brokenly. 

 

Allah, somehow soothe my spirit.

 

It wasn't a hard day physically, mentally is another thing. 

 

_______________________________________________

 

I recognize that this blog isn't very informative.  I'm sure a few of you may be surprised that I failed to give any/much details about Ramadan itself.  The reason for this oversight is simply because I have already published a blog about it.  So instead of recreating the wheel, I'll provide you with the link.  Enjoy.

 

http://americandesiredefined.blogspot.com/2013/07/day-2-ramadan-ing.html

 

Note:  All the subsequent entries after this one is equally as informative. 

OMG that TAT is like, Sooooo Cool

I’ve got a blog topic that I must write about.  Not because I know anything about this subject in particular but because I’ve been harassed by a certain reader (who is also a bestie) for long enough that now I’m just giving in.

I’m not the type of woman who is particularly fascinated by body art.  Yes, I’m talking about tattoos.  It’s just not my thing.  That being said, I do admit that it’s crossed my mind regarding if I wanted one.  I realize I’ve just contradicted myself of sorts. To tat or not to tat, that’s the question.  As a kid I was far too much a square to really even think about it that changed about 5 years ago, a slight bit.  What happened?  Well…

I had been considering a nose ring for the longest time but had resisted because of two things: work and pain.  I wasn’t sure how the folks at work would look at it and I’m not really into self-inflicted pain.  Not really.  But with time I realized that my nose was cute enough to support the ring and frankly if my boss didn’t like it, he could go jump off a cliff.  That’s what I told myself.  It’s also very much a part of the culture too, hence my mother’s blessing was easy in coming (she has one also as do nearly every female in my family).  So off I went to a tat parlor to get me one (a piercing, not a tat).  While I waited to be tortured, I wandered around in awe of the artwork displayed on the wall.  Even my conservative side couldn’t help but admire the finely sketched out pictures drawn by the artist (Yes, I’m not just saying this, and the guy/gal who ink?  They are indeed artists in my book) that went from floor to ceiling. 

Since then to now, I’ve considered the option of a tattoo, possibly old age has worked in the opposite effect for me where instead of going the orthodox way, I’ve become more open minded.  Oh well.  I think for most of my friends who I’ve admitted to that I would seriously contemplate getting one, they are always taken aback.  First reaction:  really?? 

Okay I get it, I project prissiness.  I own that if one were to go by appearances alone, one would naturally assume that I was as boring as day old bread and additionally I admit that it would be quite easy to also have confidence in that I do not have a singular molecule that screams ‘interesting’ but so what?  I mean we all have a deeply hidden ‘crazy’ or better yet, ‘exploratory’ buried within, right?  Right?  Wait, is it just me who…*clears throat uncomfortably*…moving on…

But yea, I do like them.  I won’t say that I’m into the fully body tat thing.  Mostly because to me the unmarred flesh is beautiful all on its own, no need to alter it that much.  And I also consider what happens to it with age…think droopy.  A gorgeous blooming rose becomes a wilted willow by the age of 70.  Yikes, so not a good mental image.  But I submit, a meaningful pictorial on the arm or a depiction of something significant on the leg or a lower back, why not?  May be your mother’s favorite bird on the rib cage or possibly a child’s name trailing up a leg?  Whatever thrums the strings within your soul, I say go for it.  Sure.  I can admire that.  Not that I want that, I can admire it.

Lately though, and much to my annoyance, I’ve noted that tattooing has become more a trend/fashion than a statement.  Before when you asked someone about their body art, they would have a story behind it, express the symbolism, and make you think in the process.  You saw the passion behind what they had done to themselves, the very evidence of their pain/happiness/sorrow.  Now it’s more like ‘oh hey, chicks dig tats, Imma get one’ or ‘guys think tats are hot, let me get one strategically placed so they think I’m edgy’, never mind the reasoning or if there is one at all.  It’s a fashion statement now.  I severely dislike this particular brand of humanoid, yes, that statement alone is superlatively judgmental of me but even I can have my moments.  My basic outlook is:  If there’s no purpose behind it, don’t do it…just sayin’.

On a side note, Memorial Day weekend here was Rolling Thunder.  We had tons of tatted up individuals strutting their stuff around the District along with pretty pimped out hogs.  On that Friday as I was getting coffee I ran into one of the guys who had road in from somewhere like Timbuktu (not really but I can’t remember the state) and he was telling me about his tats when he caught me checking them out, believe me, this was out of curiosity similar to what you would do if you were in an art gallery.  Systematically he went through and regaled me with stories as to when he had each inked and more importantly why (and how bad it hurt but that was because I wanted to know).  He was actually super friendly, very open to discuss and I got it, I clearly understood.  He had a reason.  He really was passionate about what each of those pieces of art represented to him.  He was also an executive by profession who hid the tats under suits and ties.  When I asked him whether this bothered him, he responded with ‘no, this is personal, that’s professional.’  Okay.  I liked him. 

Anyhow, so why don’t I get one? 

Well I’m torn, and here are a few reasons as to why:

At the end of the day I grew up in a culture that although is okay with nose piercings, is not too keen on tattoos.  We can put on henna which will wash away within days but not permanent ink.  I’ve always been a part of this culture and therefore have accepted it without thought. 

The pain factor is also a huge deterrent.  No, I do not like it, call me silly.  The very idea of a needle coming near me causes me to break out into hives.  In the past I would rather be felled with the most inconvenient diseases if it meant I didn’t have to take a shot.  I HATE NEEDLES.  And other than the lick it and stick it types, I believe the real tats you gotta have done with some sort of sharp instrument, correct?  Let me just put it this way:  big, huge, honking preventive strike right off the bat. 

Most important is probably my mother.  Need I say anything more?  She would murder me.  Simply murder me.  And if you think I could hide this from her with strategically placed articles of clothing, then you don’t know a mothers instincts at all.  She can smell when I’m up to something; you think she wouldn’t be able to sniff this one out?  Of course she can and I wouldn’t put it past her.  My father would probably be disapproving to some extent but he most certainly wouldn’t kill me for it.  My mom would have no qualms with knocking my block clear off my shoulders if I so much as even thought about it. 

There is also the religious factor.  I really don’t know what Islam’s view point in tattooing is nor have I bothered doing any research regarding it since I’ve never really actually taken the idea of being inked too seriously.  If I ever did, I can guarantee it would be an impulse purchase (is that possible?).  I couldn’t/wouldn’t think about it long before actually doing the deed since I’m sure that I would somehow manage to talk myself out of it as well.  But back to religion, yea maybe god would be a bit put out that I went and messed with what was given to me.  What if this is the one singular deed that I do that has the gates of heaven shut in my face for all eternity?  I’m sorry, I just laughed at that myself since I know darn well that the multitude of other sins I’ve committed have probably put that nail in the coffin long ago but still…one’s gotta keep at least some options open, right?

Well there you go my blog about tats.  As you can see, I do not condemn it at all.  I’ve given it plenty of thought, even wistfully fantasized about getting one but my naturally wimpy nature prevents me from doing so outright (along with mom and God).  In fact I doubt I will ever get one unless either the woman that gave birth to me (and who plays a major role in my existence to this day, no matter how old I am and will ALWAYS have a say-so) or the Almighty comes to me and articulates ‘it’s okay, get a picture of snoopy on your arm’ and I can tell you now, neither will be stepping up to that plate anytime soon. 

S, I hope you’re happy.  The stuff I do for you, honestly.

*Note:  Yes, the fantastic drawing at the top was done by yours truly.  If you tilt your head to one side and squint, it may resemble Snoopy but then again may be not.  The one thing (I emphatically repeat this over and over again because I do not want to be sued for abject misrepresentation of my abilities) I've never claimed to be even remotely adequate at is painting/sketching.  Hopefully you're eyes aren't bleeding and no, I shall never be a tat artist myself because after all, I suck at even the most minor of drawings.  Meh. 

Opening My Eyes to Possibilities!

Summer has made itself known in these parts with a bit of a vengeance.  Thanks to all the griping we have done in the recent past about frigid temps, now we get humidity and heat (I don’t know about you but I believe Mother Nature has an awesome sense of humor).  I try so hard not to complain but that’s nearly impossible since I’m human and by nature humans like to criticize.  I own this trait heartily, fyi.

But I’m also the person who accepts the inevitable and tries to make the most of it I chewed on how I would take advantage of the weather for as long as it lasted.  Day before yesterday while driving to the hospital to see a family member who had just had surgery, I wondered what I could do to bump up the quality of my life and more importantly fully integrate myself into the DC culture (oh and in case you didn’t know, DC has been ranked as the #1 most athletic state in the union…who knew?).  Besides lazing around in bars and pubs outside, or wandering around the monuments and Smithsonian’s, there is a bit more to this area then meets the eyes.

There are most certainly the trendy neighborhoods where one can go and meet up with friends and then systematically forget the next morning what they did the night before due to copious indulging of beverages of a more potent nature.  You have amazing eateries springing up at every corner or loads of food trucks parked strategically about the city so that you can pay an arm and leg for really gourmet munchies.  Then there are the parks, the free museums, the movies on the National Mall (btw, when I say ‘Mall’ in this instance, I am not referencing the mega-complexes that feature a variety of stores that cater to the average brain dead citizen), boat tours, scenic hiking trails and the list is endless.  This place is truly a mecca for untold opportunities to stay active.  No one around here has any real good excuse as to why they aren’t out and about, other than politicians.  If you know one is around, retreat!

In an effort to accomplish the absorption into my surroundings I must now consider the varied options that is being offered to anyone willing to invest (and spend some money while doing so) time, elbow-grease, passion, dedication (yada yada yada) and which within those options I personally am willing to pursue.  Yes, I’ve been back in this area since 2000 (prior to that I lived in Los Angeles for 3 years) but no, I haven’t had many opportunities which I could call my own between the obligations of family and unfortunately the profession I had chosen.  In the beginning it was all about proving to me that I could succeed and climbing up the corporate ladder, after that it became how to stay there because there were far hungrier and younger worker bees trying to make their mark.  With working nonstop overtime, extracurricular became a simple word that others understood, not I. 

Now though I feel like it’s time to step up.  I need to start focusing on something other than work.  I’ve heard this many times as well as said it on several occasions to others but have failed to remember that on one’s death bed, one doesn’t think “gosh I wish I had worked harder”.  Okay, may be a few do but I sure won’t be one of them. 

On the road of possible self-discovery as well as becoming a well-rounded individual, I decided to do some research.  BTW, Google wasn’t my only source.  I also asked friends and then raked my own brain to come up with the multitude of ideas that I have listed below.  Here are my basic options and my feelings about each:

1.        Biking: although as a child I adored it and used to even be able to do so without any hands but now at this age?  And although it’s incredibly good for the health, my joints would probably protest and shut down on me.  This is what I anticipate happening so maybe I’ll pass. 

2.       Spinning:  This one is closely connected to the first, and it’s no more appealing.  I may try it anyhow since a good friend of mine is an instructor and has promised that she won’t kill me.  I appreciate that idea but I won’t lie, I dread the very idea.  May be this one will be a onetime deal?

3.       Boating/Sailing:  Since I’m not a gazillionaire who owns a big pimped out yacht (which in my mind is the only way to sail) or possesses a snazzy speed boat that would zip me about, I’m stuck with either a small row boat (is that called a dingy?  And the very word ‘dingy’ disturbs me anyhow) or maybe a paddle boat.  The last option?  A kayak.  I’ve been kayaking before, when I was up in Maine.  It was sea kayaking and pretty darn cool but that also could be because I came face to face with a whale.  I don’t believe there are whales around here…pity…at least not the swimming kinds *heh*.  That was also about 10 years ago when I was a decade younger.   My joints are already staging a revolt against me as we speak at the mere thought.  Maybe I’ll pass.

4.       Swimming:  No.  I can’t swim.  I would drown.  NEXT!

5.       Hiking:  So about two years ago I tried this out.  I thought it would just be a nice long walk.  I can do nice long walks.  For any of you who know the real concept of hiking, you are probably cracking up over my dumbass assumption.  Yea, it was either all uphill or steep downhill, through rugged terrain (which was beautiful nonetheless but not conducive to a person who has problems with tripping over her own feet even on flat surfaces).  At the end of the ordeal, I felt accomplished and decided to never try that again.

6.       Sky diving:  No.

7.       Skateboarding:  Nu-uh.

8.       Zumba:  I’m down with some shaking my rump to moosica and will have to look around to see if there are any classes being offered close by that would fit into my work schedule.  Hmm…

9.       Gym:  No, I refuse to believe that the gym can be categorized as an extracurricular activity/hobby.  The gym is a place one goes to be tortured and possibly die.  Period.  Dot. You can’t convince me otherwise with long lengthy explanations about endorphins and tannins or how you feel amazing as soon as you leave.  That proves my point right there, the only time you feel good about a gym is when you’re exiting it.  I too used to be a gym junkie at one point, don’t die of shock.  Now I’m not.  I don’t want to hear your defense of it damn it, just call me a lazy slob then if you must. 

10.   Flying:  Well…okay who are we kidding?  No.  Although I can imagine that I would make an awesome female version of Tom Cruise from Top Gun, at the end of the day I ain’t gonna be morphing into some awe-inspiring pilot anytime soon. 

11.   Other Extreme Sports:  No.

12.   Shopping:  Can one take this up as a full time hobby?  I don’t think so but I had to put it on the list because it’s a fun option.  And probably a lot of you out there would LOVE this to be a viable hobby.

13.   Movies:  When I say this, I mean the concept of watching every movie I’ve ever wanted to see.  Why this isn’t a feasible possibility?  Because I can only see me become a bigger couch potato than I already am.  Nope.  And besides this wouldn’t be outside or at least be out of my home.  Oh well.

14.   Parks:  This actually is a lovely idea and I would give it some serious thought if I haven’t already visited nearly every one of them in the immediate area.     

15.   Pottery:  Now this is more my speed.  I like the idea of getting my hands into a piece of clay and turning it into something marvelous.  Think ‘Ghost’ except no Patrick Swayze and I’m sure as hell not Demi and…well y’all know how that scene goes…ahem…moving on from that mental imagine.  I could look this up and see where classes are being offered.  I’m sure there’s a Groupon deal…

16.   Painting:  This talent is in my blood.  My uncle is a painter.  He’s pretty damn amazing at it too.  His son has been following in his foot step and proving that he is equally talented.  I’m not horrible at sketching out a tree or a swan, but I think that’s where my talents end.  I guess I could give it a try and see where it goes.  I’ve seen Groupon offering classes for this also, I can check it out and maybe someone would want to go with me?  A painting buddy!  How cool would that be?  I could have a whole gallery of my own paintings and…maybe I’m getting a wee bit ahead of myself.

17.   Music:  Now this is a given.  Music has been a part of my whole universe since birth.  And I already take singing classes however I do need to step up practicing.  I also learned flute, as well as excelled at one point in my youth.  But I’ll take this off the list since I’m already doing it and for now, I’m looking for new prospects.

18.   Dancing:  Anyone who has ever hung out with me knows that I love to dance.  Besides having taken Kathak (a form of North Indian Classical Dance and if you want to know more, look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathak) I also at one time started to go to weekly Salsa classes.  After the first class my instructor suggested I advance to the next level since I was just that good.  I still preen thinking about that compliment.  I may fall over absolutely nothing when walking down the street but I have crazy rhythm on the dance floor!  Going back wouldn’t be a bad idea, right?

19.   Photography:  Yes, this I can wrap my mind around totally.  I’ve invested money in an amazing camera anyhow but it has so many options that sometimes I become overwhelmed.  I’ve seen Groupon (no, they are not paying me for advertising through my blog although by now maybe they should…hmm) packages which offer walking classes of the monuments with a professional who will basically teach you how to use your camera to its full potential.  Another viable candidate in my list, me thinks.

20.   Writing:  Well I do this anyhow but may be a bit more?  Finish one of the several books I have already begun and possibly go about getting it published?  I have a few readers who are even now shaking their head vigorously, pointing to this option yelling at the screen “This one!!!  This is the one!!!  Do this!!!!!!!”  Fine, I’ll keep this on the list.

21.   Chief:  No thanks, anything that has to do with a kitchen is out.

22.   Formula 1 Race Car Driver:  Think Ricky Bobby…think Talladega Knights...think “If you’re not first, you’re last”.  Think, not possible, but gosh do I love me some speed!

23.   Traveling:  This is actually a lovely option.  But it’s not totally fiscally responsible of me now (otherwise I would have opted for #12 which wouldn’t include tickets or hotel rooms) and I can’t do it more than once a year anyhow due to vacation availability.  This year is booked already anyhow so that’s going to have to be a more long term hobby. 

24.   Making model cars/airplanes:  Okay, really?  Why is this even on the list?

25.   Develop Some Crazy New Invention:  I’m not that smart.

26.   Create Hand Whittled Furniture:  Why, again, is this on my list?  And can one even whittle furniture?    

27.   Gardening:  I have the blackest thumb this side of the globe.  I look at a plant and it dies.  No poor plant deserves to come face to face with me.

28.   Dog Breeder:  Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. 

29.   Collecting Comic Books:  I’m not geeky enough.

30.   Coffee aficionado:  Imagine me on coffee…all the time.  Yikes.  No one needs to see me with that sort of energy.  And this can’t actually be a hobby, can it?

31.   Collect Stamps:  I cringed at that idea.

32.   Scrap booking:  I tried this ages ago and realized I didn’t have the patience.  I’ll leave it up to my more creative friends.

33.   Crocheting:  I like to think that I could sit down for hours at a time to make a sweater or scarf for someone I love but well…it’s the middle of the summer.  Touching wool isn’t my idea of a good time, not now at least.

That’s about all I could think of so far.  Some of it is ridiculous, I know this.  But I bet you laughed and are now thinking of your own possibilities, eh?  Now, I’ll have to start to wheedle this down to a manageable viable list from which I will pick. 

Wish me luck. 

I'm back...(I believe I may have another post that says the same thing)...again

I’ve been quiet for a while.  Blogging hasn’t been my first priority but then again should it ever?  Shouldn’t my life be?  So what’s that say about my life when I do post a rash of blogs?  Never mind, I don’t need to soul search that much.

I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA.  I’m back to some extent and I say it thus simply because when it comes to my writing, it can be a hit or miss thing.  No need to lie to the same people who are witness to my behavior.  But what I’ve come to realize since my absence (once again) is that I miss writing down my thoughts.  They may be of no use to anyone else other than me but that’s okay.  This medium of social media has become my own personal therapy.

So what’s been going on?  Well, work…and life, which has been consistently throwing me some really crazy ass curve balls.  Not that it didn’t before but now?  It’s way worse.  It’s like I’m on a roller coaster which I just can’t seem to get off of.  This particular coaster has very, very, tremendously high highs, and horribly low lows.  They say adversity makes you stronger?  What doesn’t kill you also does the same thing, right?  Well I’m okay with being weak, enough strength, thanks J.  Frankly, I think I’m strong enough.  But to be honest, I don’t want to talk about the latter so instead I’ll address the former.  I’ve been busy with my new career path.  I started this job with one job title and most likely in a few weeks it’ll change to another.  Will that be more demanding and pressure filled?  Heck yea but I accept the challenge and embrace it only so that I can distract myself from all the other crap that fills my head.  I’ve always been taught to work hard and prove myself.  I did that.  I guess it’s paying off but this fast?  I couldn’t have imagined.  That’s the best thing about working in a small company I guess, the opportunity to advance is greater.   I didn’t know this before since all the law firms I worked for were goliaths and promotions were far and few in-between.

The most recent hurdle that looms before me professionally speaking though, is slightly laughable and shouldn’t even be a big deal but to me?  It’s a biggie.  And considering all the learning curves I’ve had to deal with and the insecurity of being the biggest dumbass in this place, this is the one thing I seem to be most scared of:  I have to write a CV.  Um…what?  Yes, I recently received an email from the marketing director saying I had to have one ready by Friday.  If no one has noticed, it’s Wednesday.  And I keep staring at this stupid thing wondering how in the world I’m qualified or impressive enough to even have a CV.  I mean, it’s…me.  I’m not that important in the grand scheme of things and no one’s gonna look at my work history and be overly impressed…but my company seems to think otherwise.  So yea, Friday, and its Wednesday.  I’m so screwed.

Moving on… summer has come on full force also.  People are out and about making the most of the weather and yes, also even complaining about it.  We humans, never quite satisfied with what we get, are we?  Today I went outside to get coffee and take a moment to…breathe, which hasn’t been as easy as it had always been before, who knew…and I was smacked upside the head with a ton of happy people wandering around aimlessly.  I’ve told you folks before how I work in a location which attracts a lot of tourists, since we’re literally on the waterfront.  I have also groused on about how I hate this particular brand of miscreants (which they most definitely are not, just tourists) because I can’t be doing the same thing (let’s label this as ‘jealousy’).  Today my bitterness towards them was exceptionally high. 

As I stood there listening to music trying to find a moment of Zen while also at the same time trying to breath (again let me stress how recently this has been very tough to do, although such a simple action if you think about it) I look up to see a tourist with a map looking confused.  The first thing I noticed?  He had really hairy legs.  I mean as in, super gorilla-esq, I could braid it, sorta hair.  Bleh.  I did a mental grimace although I knew better than to judge people for such things.  But hairy-man sees me and all of a sudden he’s heading in my direction.  Crappppp!!!  Why oh why does this always happen to me?  I’ve been told that I don’t look terribly approachable when I’m out and about in the city (precisely what I’m aiming for since I do not appreciate being bothered) but why do visitors not see this also?  Maybe I need to wear a tag around my neck saying “go away”?  And since my mood was not quite up to quipping and giving directions (let’s be honest here, for human interaction of any sort), I pivoted on my heels and walked away, back into the building and to my office.  I saw a flash of surprise on the guys face as I swung into motion but I just didn’t care.

You know what?  That was just pure mean.  I realized that then and more so now that I’ve been able to reflect on it.  My attitude needs to improve, seriously.  I’ll start to work on that ASAP…yeah, right.  Pfft. 

Anyhow, this post was simply to say, I’m back.  And I am.  I’ll post more and hopefully won’t be such a flake about it.  I don’t know if any of my followers are actually following anymore or even bothers to check back but I’m going to make every effort to get y’all to find amusement in my thoughts again, somehow.