After weeks of mentally preparing, the evening had arrived to state our intentions to God and start down the road of virtuousness. That may be stretching it a bit. In essence? It was the eve before Ramadan. I read an interesting stat somewhere this morning that 95% of Muslims observe the fast. Now we know that 95% of all our Brethren are not all that religious so basically? Most observe Ramadan not only because it's required of us but frankly it's a good way of getting in good with the Big Guy up there.
I ate two tablespoons of natural peanut butter with nothing else, had two huge glasses of water and headed off to bed. I couldn't sleep at all. I instead sat in bed thinking, a lot.
Surprisingly, the first day wasn't that hard in the typical 'I'm dying and I need food now, now, now!!' sort of way that I'm usually accustomed to. Even coffee cravings hadn't hit me at all. I got up, did some work, went to my parents and proceeded to be on my feet from 3pm to 10pm.
Considering the astounding amounts of food my mother had prepared, the heavenly aromas wafting to practically the rafters of the home and the sizzle, sizzle of whatever it was she was frying, I should have been frothing at the mouth. But most shockingly not once through the course of the day did I become hungry nor was I thirsty. In fact aside from just fatigue, I felt nothing. My mind was preoccupied and in many ways I was going through the motions. As our family members arrived just before sundown, I stood frying spicy pakora's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pakora), stirring a bubbling pot of my mom's famous haleem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haleem) and peeking into the oven to make sure the chicken patties hadn't over baked, and though it all smelled ah-maz-ing, I didn't feel even the least bit of compulsion to drool.
One after another the family began to arrive with ready hugs, exhausted smiles and a gaunt hungry look that's very symbolic of this time of month. You would laugh, had you the energy. Most of the conversation was either whirling around what was eaten before sun-up or whether the lack of food/drink itself had hit anyone particularly hard or at the other spectrum of conversation was what cravings were being had. Someone asked me how I was feeling, I responded with "fine", blinking owlishly. I believe I wandered away. My head weighed a ton but there was no indication of a headache. My heart felt heavy. But meanwhile the chatter continued.
For the most part it was all about eating and hunger. Understandable under the circumstances but I couldn't help but wonder to myself what was wrong with me? Why wasn't I struggling at all? Not even the slightest indication of a headache which was normal with me or a slight rumble of the tummy. And as the chaos that usually occurred during the breaking of the fast ensued, I quietly took a plate, sat down and closed my eyes.
I asked Allah (swt) for patience, guidance and strength.
As I gently bit into that first date, allowing the sweetness of it to explode in my mouth, I kept my eyes closed and sighed brokenly.
Allah, somehow soothe my spirit.
It wasn't a hard day physically, mentally is another thing.
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I recognize that this blog isn't very informative. I'm sure a few of you may be surprised that I failed to give any/much details about Ramadan itself. The reason for this oversight is simply because I have already published a blog about it. So instead of recreating the wheel, I'll provide you with the link. Enjoy.
Note: All the subsequent entries after this one is equally as informative.
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