This ain't just entertainment

 

These last few weeks have been super busy.  The end of the year, the holidays, trying to get clients deliverables…delivered.  And then there are the endless amounts of parties and occasions to attend as is normal with this particular season.  Sadly, I haven’t gotten my tree up nor had much time to enjoy the lights and sparkle but I will…eventually.

I’m still intent on keeping up the blog although sometimes it gets hard because of all that I mentioned above.  Still I refuse to lapse back into the vortex of silence that I have before and in my quest, I’ve reached out for blog topics.  I was in fact in the midst of working on one when I was unceremoniously interrupted.  I mean, it’s not like someone came to me and put their hand on mine and stopped me but rather something else distracted me, as if has been distracting many of late.  Let me explain.

 
A few months ago a bizarre news article showed up on my FB feed.  The names were familiar, the topic well known.  And thus the distraction began.
 
Have you listened to the podcast called Serial?  It's a spinoff of a show called "This American Life" which has been on NPR (a radio station) for a while now.  It's about a kid, Adnan, who murdered his girlfriend Hae Min Lee (both 18).  He was convicted and sent to jail for life.  He's been there for 15 years now.  Haven’t listened to it?  Well you should, really, do it.
 

Let me just say this before I go any further:  I’ve struggled with the idea of posting this blog for weeks.  I’ve withheld comment for the most part, have reposted those articles/clips/news items that I found interesting enough to share but I have not joined the scads of junior crime detectives nor any of reditters who are intent to discuss the case and dissect it with a fine tooth comb.  Everyone has an opinion, that’s obvious but I just chose to withhold mine because frankly, I haven’t known what to say.  For nearly 15 years now I have (and do) believed in the innocence of Adnan and nothing has changed that especially not reading x, y or z’s comments on endless forums and with all due respect to Sarah, the journalist, her report.  I’ve found it enlightening to some extent to know more of the facts but that’s about it, it’s knowledge and with knowledge comes…not sure what because at this point, I’m still pretty sound in my belief.

Here’s a little bit of fact that most of you who follow the serial already know:   

Rabia, a close friend of Adnan's, brought the story to NPR after years of trying to make someone, anyone, listen because to her Adnan's innocence was as obvious as the nose on her very face.  Her persistence won and a podcast was born.  This one simple podcast has turned into quite the national/international sensation narrated in episodes released every Thursday mornings, rated the #1 most downloaded podcast in the USA, UK and Australia, its gaining momentum and popularity.  People everywhere are talking about it because unlike most murder mysteries, this one is different.  

The reporter, Sarah, is going about 'investigating' the murder and subsequent conviction as a totally 3rd party neutral.  She narrates the events in a soothing even voice (it's actually pleasant), mulling over ideas/theories, interviewing a myriad of different people who had been involved (and some not at all), traveling the familiar streets of Woodlawn, MD and asking the questions that many of us may ask without hesitation.  She gives this whole thing a far more 'human' twist because you can actually hear Adnan's voice/comments/thougths/reactions, those who knew Hae, community members, the accomplice.  It's all terribly...riveting.

So why am I writing about this, possibly just another online commentary about a case that has nothing to do with me but that I’m fascinated with?  Seems reasonable, I’ve done that in the past so why not this but…well that’s not quite the reason.  I’m a teeny weeny bit more vested in this particular ‘case’.  That’s because I know the family.   In fact, I was a part of the same community and that my parents still are.  The high school they reference?  My Alma Mater. 

Yea, crazy right?  It’s still super surreal for me and those friends of mine who are/were also a part of the community feel the same way.  Are they talking about Woodlawn?  Woah, weird.  That was my hang out, I can visualize everything Sarah is describing…bizarre!

Now since this podcast has become such a sensation, I didn’t decide to write about it simply because I crave any sort of attention.  I don't have that big of a readership anyhow that there is a chance for this to happen and that’s okay with me, I love my followers, as small as those numbers are but for anyone who has been following my blog for any length of time, you also know that for me blogging is a way of getting my thoughts on paper in order to purge. This is cathartic for me and moreover the reason I wanted to write about Adnan is that...well yes, I knew him. 

 
Did I know him like Rabia did?  No.  Nor like any of the various folks Sarah interviewed over the course of the show.  I know Adnan's mother though.  A lovely woman who was quick to smile, quick to tease and quick to laugh.  Note that I use the word "was".  When I was only but 16, Adnan must have been approximately 7ish...maybe my math is off.  This was about when I first met the dynamic Shamim Aunty and her gaggle of boys.  They would always be at the mosque, much like myself and was as much a fixture in the community as I.  I saw Adnan all the time walking by me, respectful, glasses perched on a face that was round and pleasant.  And his little brother was also with him.  That was closer to when I was ready to leave the mosque, when I was about 21 and juggling being a Sunday School teacher at ISB as well as studying and going to college had become hard to do. 
 
I had little interaction with this young kid, Adnan.  I think I yelled at him to not run in the mosque, as I was want to do to many a students, and I believe I may have given him a ride to their home, which was/is at the end of the block where I grew up.  They were good kids.  I knew the older brother a bit better, and the younger one was a rapscallion having the rambunctious nature of any child that young.  I recall often watching Shamim Aunty drive away with her boys in the car, giggling at the way little Yusuf's mop of curly hair would bounce around in the backseat, elevated slightly due to the child seat he would be perched upon.  Back then, I had two other very close friends who volunteered at the mosque.  When Aunty would see us, she would say, "Hello Golden Girls" not making a reference to the popular TV series but rather this was what she thought of us, we were her "golden girls".  She loved us, that was for sure and it’s important to stress this one point: They were a nice normal family. 

One of my most favorite persistent memories of Shamim Aunty was how she would show up every Sunday morning at the mosque to drop the kids off and in her hand would be a cup of McD's coffee.  I commented to her that couldn't she try to score something a bit better, back then Starbucks wasn't around, like Dunkin Donuts.  She would hold out her coffee, take a sip of it with relish and say, “no, this is the best stuff...and it's cheap too.”  I used to shake my head and laugh.  Yea, all good memories.

 

Many moons later, in California, my mother called to break the news of Adnan's arrest to me.  I was stunned, my mouth hung open and I sat down hard.  I will never forget this moment because P scrambled over to me when he saw my pale face and demanded to know what had happened.  He thought something about my family...he wasn't off the mark really.  The masjid community had been my family for so long that the news hit me like a full on speeding truck. 

 

Fast forward months in advance and I run into Shamim Aunty at the mosque during Eid.  I ask her what’s happening for they were in trial phase and she spilled it all to me.  How nothing was being done, none of the evidence was being looked at, the investigation was (and this was of course not her word) crappy.  She was helpless and frustrated, clearly confused and desperate, her face had aged and this alone had shocked me.  I told her, “get another attorney, you don’t have to have this one” but she demurred, she said it was too late.  I walked away agitated but understanding.  The legal system is intimidating and not one to navigate easily.

I told my mother later on, over a cup of tea, that I wish I could talk aunty into changing counsel.  But I put it out of my mind without thought, heading back to California and to my life.  I was so sure then that he would be acquitted so I wasn’t over worried.  I was so very wrong.

Anyhow, knowing these individuals as real people and not just ‘characters’ of some show and of course taking the time to actually listen to every single podcast (truthfully when I first started to listen, I didn't think about how it would hit me initially.  I took it in as I would had I been watching "Dateline" or "Forensic Files" but no, I quickly came to the realization that with every episode, as SK verbally drew out the streets that were those that I had traversed (and still do) during my most formative years, it was far too difficult not to be vested.  I couldn't listen to it as if it were pure 'entertainment'.  To me?  This was real life in all its horrid Technicolor.  I stopped after episode 1 until episode 8 came out when I started to listen again but through it all, I followed the growing popularity; it’s hard not to since it’s everywhere.)

So here are some basic thoughts I have about all this:

First, I believe he is innocent.  I have always believed it and it remains in my heart, firmly in place.  No one can convince me otherwise unless there is harder evidence other than Jay’s word (which is hole-y at best).

Second, I am saddened that so many have abandoned the family in our community, that there was no sense of real solidarity.  I can’t image the punch to the stomach that was on top of everything else.   (Here’s a quick sidebar story: I ran into Aunty again after Adnan's conviction and sentencing.  It was nearly a year later and because I'm a blunt person (sometimes this isn't a good trait) I asked her how Adnan was doing (taking into account that indeed how well could he be doing when one took all things into consideration).  Her eyes filled with tears and I felt deep remorse for having brought up a subject so sensitive.  I wanted to kick myself and immediately began to apologize profusely but she grabbed my hand and said in an almost pleading voice, "no, no please, ask about him, no one asks.  Everyone avoids asking.  I want you to ask, I want to talk about him".  Oh the desperation of a lost mother.  The heartbreak in her eyes was more than I could take and when I arrived home, I sat on the sofa wondering how the family was dealing with such a terrible every-damn-day reality.  That moment, when I looked into her eyes and felt her anguish, that moment has been etched into my psyche for years now.  For a person who can be deeply empathetic, this was way beyond my range to understand, way beyond my very comprehension.  This isn't intellectual; this is emotional, pure and simple.)

Third, when I first saw Adnan’s picture after so many years as a handsome boy of 18, I barely recognized him because my memory was of a much more roly-poly youth with glasses and clean shaven (of course).  I didn’t know this guy.  I didn’t know him at all and I still do not claim to know him.  His mother?  Yea, I know her.  She is a spiritual, religious and fun individual and I can tell you first hand, the light from her eyes had been snuffed 15 years ago even though she still manages a cheery smile, as Hae's mothers light has been too, I can only imagine. 

Fourth, I too suffered the same emotions that so many did during the course of these casts.  There were moments when I doubted my own instincts to outrage back to sorrow to ‘there is no way in hell…’ and so on and so forth.  But at the end of nearly every episode I always came back to ‘he’s innocent’.

Fifth, I cannot imagine to what extent this retelling is difficult for Hae’s family.  How do they deal with it?  Understanding that the murder of their beloved daughter probably is never far from their thoughts anyhow, but still…what must they be feeling?  How are they not reliving those god awful moments over and over again in the quiet of their home?

Sixth, I will never understand the depth or breathe of their pain and when I say ‘their’ I mean all of them, both Adnan’s family as well as Hae’s.  Never.  Not as long as I live and here’s a very selfish part of me speaking: I hope never to. 

Seventh, I recognize that this is real life.  This isn’t some show like Castle or any of the various ‘who done it’ prime-time jaunts in entertainment to rack up ratings.  This is real and there are a whole host of lives that have been living it for 15 years, not just 15 weeks.  These folks cannot turn the television off and go on about their business.  They can’t talk about it as a far removed observer.  This is all only too real.

Eighth, I believe in the greatness of God and that with time all things shall be revealed.  I am firm in my belief that this man (because I can no longer call him a boy) will find justice and that Allah (swt) may be taking time in delivering it but that it will happen.

Ninth, I also believe that Rabia is the angel, the very tool that Allah (swt) has sent to this family to show them the way.  I applaud her for her perseverance and tenacity. 

My last and final thought:  I profoundly wish that those who are not connected, who are simply looking at this as ‘entertainment’ keep in mind that this is in fact real and to show some damn sensitivity.  If this had happened to you, what then?  How would you like the world to behave?  Yea, think on that for a second.

As for now, I wait for the final episode although I’m 100% sure nothing ground breaking will be revealed unless it’s to say that Adnan has been released or the ‘smoking gun’ has actually been found.  No, Sarah won’t be telling us something that most of us do not already know.  It's funny how in the recent past, after it was 'revealed' that he is to have another hearing in January, folks everywhere screamed "spoiler alert".  This caused just such unfathomable disgust in me and this alone was really the reason I had to put all my thoughts down.  I'm afraid humanity has totally lost it's sense of proportion.  No one seems to have sympathy and respect for his/her neighbor anymore, privacy is a thing of the past and everyone has an opinion about something without knowing all the facts.  Feelings are no longer considered and something that would have otherwise been looked upon "in bad taste" is disguised and hidden behind a screen and therefore people do not feel accountable.

I can assure you this much, I will be listening this Thursday not for the entertainment value, I know what's going on and I know how things stand as of right now.  And I will pray...a lot.

That’s all that I can do.