Angels and Ornaments

I finally put up my Christmas tree.  This one little act makes me incredibly happy to the core however, I can't lie to you guys, it also made me equally sad, I'll explain (sorta kinda) why shortly.

 

I had been trying to find the right time since the beginning of December at which time I could enjoy the endeavor, possibly put on some sappy Xmas movies on the tube and glitter myself to a state of euphoria.  Sunday early evening was the perfect time.  After running a few important errands, completing minor tasks for work, I hauled the boxes laden with the tree and ornaments up the stairs and into the front formal living room and I began to untangle the plastic branches (yes, I have a plastic tree, get over it).  It was half way through this that I became super melancholy.  I didn't have anyone around to help.  There's something wrong in putting up something like that without another living soul to chatter with or possibly sing carols slightly off-key with while misspeaking the words. 

 

So there I sat, at the base of the 7 footer without any adornments on it and my heart tightened.  I know why it did very well, I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you [insert a stupid chuckle here, the type when one thinks they are far too clever for even themselves] but actually the reason itself is private.  Weird, right, particularly when I maintain a personal blog full of nothing but my deepest thoughts but who are we kidding, far too many people who I know intimately well read this nonsense and although I love'm all, I most certainly do not need to go 'there'.  I'm a private person at the core of it all and have no need to go airing laundry, dirty or otherwise.

 

Suffice it to say I had to blink back tears on numerous occasions as I wrangled the top part of the tree to unfurled beauty.  I did sing carols even, although they came out almost mournful and sadly pathetic.  My soul wasn't doing well as I stood back and sighed heavily, trying not to break down completely and leaving this project also unfinished.  But since the holidays would be over before I could even blink, I had to do it or just stuff it all back in a box and call it quits.  There was a part of me that pondered this possibility.  However, I can be super stubborn and tenacious and I'm really good at pushing past my own pain in order to focus on something/someone else. 

 

That's my super power!

 

Just about then, as I was reaching for the lights which had been neatly wound into a neat ball last year, the front doorbell rang and I straight up jumped 10 feet.  I so wasn't expecting anyone to stop by.  Tentatively I opened the door and there stood a friend, her arms extended, a big smile stretched across her lips and within her hands she clutched a clear plastic box that contained cupcakes!

 

Her (in an uber happy cheery voice):  I was listing to the song Besharam and thought of you! So I decided to stop by and see my other besharam (without shame) friend.

 

Me:  Oh god I'm so happy to see you!

 

Drawing her in with a big hug, I had to turn away momentarily so she didn't see the tears of relief that had sprung to my eyes as I sent a "you're so awesome" to God for sending this angel to me.

 

I asked if she would like to help, thinking she would rush off but instead she whipped off her coat, rolled up the sleeves of her sweater and jumped in with enthusiasm, her as much a perfectionist in things like this as myself.  We began decorating, circling slowly, eyeing carefully, mindful for empty spaces and evenness while we yacked on about something or another, laughing about this and that, recalling whatever tidbit of information to share with each other.  It was so nice and after the tree had been completed, we turned off the lamps, flickered on the twinkling lights and sat on the sofa to gaze on at our handy work.  Below, you can see pictures of our efforts.

 

But let me say this, I honestly do thank the Almighty for the wonderful people that surround me.  I may not always show the appreciation but that doesn't mean for one second that within my very being I don't say prayers for all of them.  This girl, this wonderful girl who could have been doing anything else in the whole wide world instead of coming by to give me cupcakes, was truly a godsend.  

 

Let me confess:  Earlier I felt myself sinking into a sense of depression that would have been very difficult to pull myself out of even though I wouldn't let another soul know that it happened.  It wasn't surprising to me either, since things have been not going so well in life nor the direction it has been taking.  I'm not shockingly different from any of the other billions of folks to roam this fine round globe, not at all, and my problems are not even 1/1000th of what someone else is dealing with, so let's not dwell on the 'what's going on'.

 

Later, after she had departed to go home, I sat there in the darkened room for a lot longer, the depression creeping back in, the melancholy from earlier making a reappearance but that was okay.  I was, funny enough, secure that God at least saw my struggle and tried, for that moment in time at least, to take it away.

 

Sounds like a plan to me!

 

P.S.  The theme this year for the tree was red and silver.  This was not a thought out strategy but rather I went to the local crafts store earlier which was having a ridiculous 60% off on all holiday do-dads and bought 2 30-feet rolls of bendable ribbon.  Okay seriously, what the heck does one do with all that ribbon?  Why, you wrap it around your tree, of course.  I remember seeing this in some magazine or another and thought the idea was charming not to mention the fact that I could utilize the darn fabric on a more immediate sense and not have it on a shelf gathering dust.

That big bow on top?  I made it.  I'm a little proud of myself, I do admit.

 

And this is what one does when one can not sleep, it's 3am and every molecule in your body is being antsy and trying not to do the things people should not be doing that late at night, mainly making bad decisions.  Instead they make paper stars which they've never made before and almost nearly cut a finger off in the effort to replicate.  Not a bad job, eh?