#PeshawarAttack - Heartbreak and Tears

 

I dragged myself into work with a super heavy, aching heart.  My mind has been working overtime.  It’s filled with horrific images and yet I still cannot help but to continue to seek more of them.  I feel as if I see enough, I will become desensitized but that doesn’t happen, it never happens because I’m a compassionate, caring human being.

What am I so sad (and this is a gross understatement) about?  Did you watch the news on Tuesday, read a newspaper, opened up Facebook for an instant or even simply talked to another person?  Then you’ll know about what happened in Peshawar, Pakistan.  If you don’t know, then please go crawl back under the rock you live (sorry, that’s actually quite harsh of me to say and I know that plenty of people are busy with their lives and may not have had the opportunity).

There are a lot of news reports out there giving totals, some say 100 children, some 141, some say there were 80…I don’t care about the number actually, 1 is too many.  A bunch of disgusting sub-human evil creatures who call themselves the TTA (Tehrik-i-Taliban Pakistan) entered a school and started to shoot at anyone/anything.  One report I read today says that a teacher was set on fire in front of the students, who were then forced to watch.

Why was this all done?  What could possibly be a good enough reason for these madmen?  Well, do terrorists every have a ‘good’ reason to begin with?  Nope.  But what is theirs?  Per them, it is because Pakistan itself is fighting against the Taliban regime within and without their boarders.  This is why.  They killed the very people who share their faith in retribution because they believe the Paki government (and in this case anyone even slightly connected) is a pawn of the Americans.  Maybe to some degree this is true but then again but having spoken to a lot of people that are actually from Pakistan, they too think terrorism is evil and needs to be eradicated.  It’s not about supporting America’s agenda, but their own safety and welfare of the country that is their Motherland.    

But here’s the biggest mystery of all, one that I can’t wrap my mind around:  why are children becoming the casualty of war?  And I assure you, the fight against the Taliban/Al Qaida/ISIS/terrorism is still most certainly a war.  Just when we think we have overcome them, they come back to show the rest of us that they are not only still around, but growing in numbers.  Still, regardless of whether you’re looking at Syria, Palestine, Pakistan, Afghanistan…anywhere that there is political unrest or outright fighting, the civilians are the true casualties, not the fighters who chose to engage or the leaders who send their men/women into the fray.  Those who make up the bulk of the populace are those who are effected the most.  Such a shame.

I want to stop wondering  what those moments of terror were like for those wee little souls who faced death so unexpectedly.  What went through their heads, how desperately did they try to flee and when did they realize that they were going to die?  And the parents?  Parted from their kids, trusting they were safe at school, what did they go through and are still going through.  That teacher who was burned alive, her family?  What agony must they suffer and more importantly, her suffering...my God.  I cannot stop myself from thinking about this nonstop.  My problems are so trivial compared to the pain of this.  I need to remember and remind myself nonstop when I feel my world issues weighing me down because at least nothing like this has happened to me.

At one time I used to think that these people are nothing but ignorant uneducated sheep that follow an evil leader who twists the very meaning of the Islam to fit their own agenda.  This is true to some degree but to another I cannot say this anymore.  There have been far too many converts who are not from some village somewhere being brainwashed by fundamentalist clergymen but rather fairly well-educated folks who are still choosing this course of action.  Yes, maybe their minds are fertile breeding grounds for stupidity but that’s hardly a good enough reason to me.  I mean I know plenty of fairly dumb people but they don’t go rushing out to join a terrorist organization.

As I did after so many similar tragedies, I sat glued to CNN as the coverage unfolded minute by minute in agonizing detail.  What got to me at one point were the images of wailing mothers/fathers bent over the lifeless bodies of their children, alive just that morning, dead within a few short moments later.  After hours of this, I finally turned off the television and tried to sleep but that too was fleeting.  The blurry faces of those kids haunted my thoughts, the anguished cries of the parents reverberated in my brain.  And I thought to myself, If you feel this way, someone who is this far removed, what must those individuals be feeling who are even now arranging for the Janaza (funeral) of their beloveds?  I won’t even try to figure this one out.

Today though, a friend of mine stopped me to ask whether I have any family in the area who may have been affected.  I thanked her for her concern and said no, most of my family has now immigrated to the USA (thank god) and those who are there are distant members and are safe in the capitol city of Karachi.  [Side note:  I do have Pakistani ties since one of my dad’s brothers moved there, married and proceeded to have a brood of kids.]  She was relieved and I was glad to be able to tell her this although I was quick to also inform her that I have plenty of Pakistani friends who have been deeply effected by this, not necessarily because they knew someone who may have been involved/killed but because well, they’re Pakistani’s.

So this is what I’m addressing today: the reality of being a Pakistani in this day and age.

Thanks to all the attacks around the globe, Pakistan has gotten a pretty bad rap.  The citizens of this one particular little country are sometimes called uneducated, sometimes backwards, sometimes loud, sometimes zealots and sometimes terrorist.  They are viewed as child labor embracing, pedophiles who love to rule over their womenfolk with an iron fist, using Islam as the tool to do so. They are not looked upon with any sort of warm and fuzzies, half of the world seeming to think that the problems we face today would be erased if that very region was wiped clean.

For those individuals I say:  SHUT THE EFF UP.

Let me explain something important here; I am Bangladeshi.  What significance is that?  In case you don’t follow Bangladesh history, the country fought a fairly bloody war against Pakistan in 1971 for liberation.  There are still people who hold a grudge for this reason.  I’m not one of them.  I hate war, I hate anything that has slightly to do with war hence I would not simply support one because one of the countries involved was one that I was born unto.  This also doesn’t mean that I do not respect nor love Bangladesh and am heartily glad for its independence.    

I remember as a young teen, a friend had said to me, “I hate all Paki’s.”

I was confounded by this very effusive and anger-filled statement.  “Why?”

“Because they tortured so many Bangladeshi’s and…blah blah blah…”

I nodded my head, understanding.  I did btw, no doubt.  War is unfortunately a sensitive topic and if we all agreed then I mean, no war, right?  But then I asked her, “so now, the south should still hate the north because they lost the Civil War?”  She looked at me, confused herself now. 

“One doesn’t have anything to do with the other.”  She said, lifting her chin up stubbornly.

“To me?  It does.  Why are we still harping on something that has been settled long ago?  Isn’t that how hatred keeps spreading?”

Clearly I’ve never been that person who holds grudges anyhow and can intellectualize almost anything (almost) so this was a no-brainer.  I’m proud to say that some of my best and closest friends whom I’ve grown up with are Pakistani, not were… are.  These are people who have added value to my life in so many uncountable ways, have cried with me and shared in my joy.  These are folks who have reached out to me in my darkest despair and who, whenever I see them, are quick to hug and ask how I am.  They are enthusiastic about their religion, something I see nothing at all wrong with (hell, look at middle America), traditions, culture, family values.  Sure, not all are educated but not all are uneducated and ignorant.  Which country do you know where the masses are in fact well read, well-educated and well rounded?  Any community, big or small, are made up of a mixed bag of people, just as Pakistan. 

Oh, and another very important clarification:  All Paki men do NOT subscribe to a ‘women are 3^rd class citizen’ sort of mentality, they do not wed their kids off at the age of 14 and beat their womenfolk if they get too mouthy.  Give me a freakin’ break if you believe for an instant that malarkey.  Have ever met a woman from that region?  Believe you me, I’ve have and they are very, very smart, have an iron first themselves over their families and yes, they listen to their male counterparts but at the same time do what they feel is right.  Do not underestimate women living there, at all.  And no, not all of them are like that but then again, and I repeat, there are all types everywhere. 

Here’s the most imperative message to get across that pertains specifically to the event at the school:  Most Pakistani’s vehemently oppose terrorism of any sort.  PERIOD.  You’re thinking back to a few news reports where they show a bunch of morons burning an American flag and rejoicing?  You do realize the media shows you what propaganda they would like you to believe, right?  Unfortunately though, a few crazies who have dominated the spotlight of news and media have convinced the rest of the universe that if you live in that region (or if you believe that there is no God but Allah (swt) and that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is the last prophet), you must be JUST LIKE THEM.

Um…no.  Sorry, wrong, try again.

 But that’s all we see, right?  These terrorists wearing their stupid black garb, masked and indiscriminately killing anyone/anywhere are splashed across every possible mode of information sharing.  We are told that these are the people to fear and not, “but don’t fear those who may look/dress something like them.”    We are told that Islam spreads hatred and death to the infidels, but not that it’s a terribly warped interpretation of what Islam actually says.  We are told to suspect anyone who may be sporting a beard or wearing a black niqab (the face cover), but not that most likely those are everyday citizens of the world like yourself who in their region this is the popular garb hence wears them and that you shouldn’t suspect anyone by look alone.  We are told to be afraid when someone so much as says “Allah hu Akbar” but is not told that the same phrase is sung across the rooftops calling worshippers to prayer 5 times a day, can be one of the most stirringly spiritual things you may ever hear.  We are told now to fear the brown, not get down with it. 

What really pisses me off the most?  The Muslim community has been criticized for not speaking out against terrorism by political pundits and idiots who are but brainless followers of those same pundits who have not done a lick of research or watched even a smidge of intelligent TV (yes there is such a thing).  Excuse me, what?  WHAT?  Are you serious?  May be I have an elite group of friends who do so all the time, maybe I’m within the minority but no…wait no no, I’m pretty sure I’m not.  Or maybe it’s just my television with all the Muslim groups coming out of the woodworks condemning any and all terrorists actions (I’m not talking about other extremist groups, so don’t even go there…actually in this case, didn’t the terrorist organization in Afghanistan actually condemn this heinous action as well?).  But I’m pretty sure CNN or their ilk isn’t catering only to me, go figure.

Mosques, Muslim advocacy groups, intellectuals, celebs, politicians, individuals, all have spoken out.  Some nutbags in some outlaying town in some outlaying neighborhood may cheer and hail the terrorist as heroes but they are few and most certainly do not represent the common populace nor sentiment.  Yea, we’ve condemned these terrorists from the word ‘go’ and may I point out, long before 9/11.  I know I have.  But I have a very selfish reason that goes hand-in-hand with it as well.  I am a proud Muslim and I do not want my religion to be disrespected, misunderstood or hated.  Yup, there you go.  Oh and also the main reason?  KILLING IS WRONG.  Ground breaking thought for a Muslim, right?

To be honest, I feel bad for my Pakistani friends and feel their frustration.  They’ve probably gotten the worse reputation recently and it has only sunk with time. They want so badly for their country to be shown in a good light (as any citizen of any country would), to be revealed for the kindness that resides within, not to be rejected by all of humanity as a country chalk full of terrorists.  I watch my Facebook feed rife with them decrying these barbaric terrorist actions and can feel their pain and sorrow.  I feel sorrow that they have to vocally reject terrorism because if they don’t, then surely they agree, right?  It’s one of the stupidest things I’ve encountered so far.  Just because I do not talk about it, doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion.  Has it ever occurred to anyone wondering that maybe, just maybe, some folks are just quiet and like to keep things to themselves?

Anyhow, may Allah (swt) grant Jannat (heaven) for every single soul that died Tuesday.  That is all I can say honestly. And to my Pakistani friends?  Stay strong and true to yourselves.