I move into the 2nd day of the 2nd month of 2015 with a vast amount of amusement bubbling within my breast. Not that I woke up with anything to be happy about. In fact this morning has been downright awful. Let me paint a picture here:
Peering out the window to gauge the weather, I grimaced and let the curtain fall gently back into space. I honestly debated going back to bed and calling it a day but that wasn't happening since half of my colleagues were traveling and I would have to hold down the fort. Blast it all.
By the time I was driving to work, stuck in creeping traffic, staring at an endless snack-like slithering line of red tail lights, I felt a distinct melancholy come to embrace me like an old lover. There was no 'sunny side of the street' at that moment, not as far as the eye could see. The drizzle came down steadily, occasionally a stray fat raindrop splatting across the windshield which the wiper dispatched efficiently. Far in the distance dark clouds hovered over the small city of Rossyln that was spread across to my left. I thought of the spaceship that hovered over the cities in the movie Independence Day. Yea, looked something sort of like that. My eyes glanced to the car on the right, a woman was there, her face almost resigned, smoking a cigarette as if it were the key to her survival. A car further down full of a gaggle of sleepy worker bees sat quietly or so I figured since no ones lips were moving, the three passengers focused on the phones grasped within their hands. I sighed, another work day.
I inched along thinking to myself that I should have opted to resume hibernating.
Listlessly listening to the radio I found nothing to keep my attention for long. This particular morning I simply wasn't feeling NPR but after a quick perusal of the other channels I gave up on that and popped in the ear buds, hoping that my own music would cheer me. No bueno. It wasn't happening. Instead I simply kept hitting the skip button living within the assumption that I could possibly find something that didn't totally turn me off. Seemed like that was asking for too much.
The gloom in the air was really working it's magic on me this morning and on top of that the horrible traffic made me one cranky Desi. I tried to block out the amount of work that awaited but that was hard to do with my iPhone vibrating every few seconds notifying me that new mail demanded attention. I knew for a fact that I had a meeting that was supposedly starting in 15 minutes but there was no way...no way with the speed in which I was traveling so I had to bite the bullet and shoot off a quick email explaining my tardiness.
Awesome. All totally awesome.
So that was all bad enough (I won't describe how I also took 10 trips back into the house in order to retrieve various items I forgot or how my left knee cracked every time I stepped nor will I go into great detail about how half my coffee spilled as I went to pick it up because the barista as SB's didn't secure the lid properly...I mean that would be uber pathetic, right?) and I didn't think things could really get any worse. Luckily it didn't. Phew. I'm often tempting fate to prove me wrong but at least to this mornings extent it spared me. Maybe considering the last few weeks/months even the Fates were thinking to themselves, "let's leave her brown butt alone."
Then what is it that brings me such amusement? Well actually, my blog. Not what I'm writing. I mean I'm writing it, to some degree it has to amuse me otherwise I don't think I'd be scribbling half as much as I do. What really got me smiling like a monkey was when I logged into my analytics to start a new blog, checked out the hits report and saw that the blog from Jan 27th received a lot of interest. I mean a lot. I mean more than I could imagine. Let's put it this way, upon gazing at the number, I sat back stunned, then in my empty office I started to laugh out loud, the edges of it tinged with smug delight.
I took the time to re-read that blog just to see what the hullabaloo was. Upon doing so I realized that yes, although it was written with a hell of a lot of emotion, anger, frustration, blah, blah. blah...it was also very accurate. EVERY DAMN WORD. The vitriol that I spewed was in no way exaggerated and it came to the point as well as from the heart. I'm giving myself a virtual pat on the back here, People, and I'm assuming that either it's out of blatant curiosity due to the title or because I have readers that just outright follow my silliness, that you out there who also read it may be giving me mental kudos. That blog no doubt says the things a lot of people think but dare not utter.
Side note: Recently, I mentioned to my gf that I would be limiting the length of my yammering. She was appalled by this but I patiently explained that there was a study released somewhere in some magazine that any blog over one scroll is oftentimes ignored because people found them 'too long' to read. Apparently we all have the attention spans of a gnat but whatever...I scurried back to my own computer and checked out the general length of mine and was horrified that on an average one would have to scroll 3-4 times to get to the bottom, if not a lot, lot more. Insecure I decided to jump onto the bandwagon of success. Problem is that I'm not one who remains on the wagon. I sort of have to march to my own beat. For me, this blog has never been one which I plan to use to catapult me to stardom so what do I care how many people read, as long as a few like it from the bottoms of their hearts.
Discarding the idea of limiting my words to 1500 per post, I've resumed what I do best, analyze, over-analyze, breakdown and study a topic till I feel like my brain is bleeding and then banging it all out on a nice white 'sheet' of paper.
In analyzing the post that has in fact incurred so much attention, I think that for the most part, we humans are chicken-shit. Most of us do not dare to say what's on our mind, not even write it. We are far too concerned about appearing PC, broad-minded, even-keeled...whatever. We will literally rather bite off our own tongues or chop our fingers off in order to not speak what's in our hearts/minds. And by doing this? We have a world full of negativity, anger, and a pressure cooker like environment that we're living in. Every other person is walking around with some sort of resentment harboring deep within their souls and it's just waiting for the right time/person to appear before an ugly explosion happens.
I did in fact start to let the steam out of my pressure cooker. Yes, I've also had to deal with a bit of fallback from it in the form of friends reaching out to me to ask me whether I was okay, what was going on, who pissed me off...which I don't think is a bad thing. This is definitely one way of knowing that I'm loved and cared for but the truth of the matter is I didn't write that post for anyone else but me. I needed to. I had to. I could have restrained myself but all that would still be stuck somewhere within me demanding release. Unable to very often deny myself something that will bring my mind rest, I simply let go, told myself that I didn't care what anyone else thought of the words/sentiment, and let every single feeling I was struggling with come out via the tips of my fingers. And people seem to like that.
Actually, every 'controversial' post I've made regarding something I'm fairly passionate about has been well received. Sure I have the 'fluff' that stud the directory of my webpage but those do not generate the same interest as the serious ones. I like this. I like learning that people are deeper than a puddle with the vast capability of intellectualizing a point and I'm glad that I can somehow stay clued into the human condition enough so that I can possibly be the mouthpiece to those things that others aren't willing to talk about, but I am.
BTW, of all the recent blogs that I've written, that is the one that I am indeed most glad garnered interest. Every emotion I poured into it is real, every single word was thought out. I didn't even post it for many hours, most certainly not before reading it over and over again to make sure that I wasn't saying anything that I would come to regret or moreover be unable to say to any person who I felt deserved it.
A friend, after reading it, said to me, "hell next time I break up with a jerk, I'm coming to find you so you can send him a 'f-u' letter." Maybe that's my next profession?
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