Day 6 - Ramadan-ing

And Day 6 was worse by all measures.

Getting up I forgot that I was fasting, which is easy enough to do a second after gaining consciousness however as I stood in the shower I heard my stomach grumble and reality dawned.  That’s right, no eating.  Shut up stupid stomach, shut up.

Driving to work I was very anxious about the impending moment that I would walk into the building.  You think it’s because of the piles of work that had to be tackled?  Perhaps I had oodles of emails that needed responding which was quite a daunting task?  Nope, either of these things mattered to me…this wasn't the reason why my size 7 feet were dragging all way to my office.   And like a hammer to the head, there it was…the seductive sultry smell that tickled my nose and overwhelmed my senses.  Oh, hello coffee, my love, I murmured with a slight mental sob as I fled down the hall to lock myself in to my office.  Sadly, to some degree my body anticipates that first sip of hot java, heck it demands it, but that morning I was going to deny it (yet again) and I just wasn't sure how my pudgy self would seek revenge (upon me).  Yes, I was scared of my own body’s reaction.  It could be as vicious as my consciousness, which is pretty scary when it plots.   

For the first few hours, as I watched the minutes tick by slowly, there was a bit of relief that nothing was happening.  Meaning I wasn't feeling the after effects of denying my body it’s morning fix, so relaxing, I gave into what I like to call ‘busy work’.  I usually will capitalize upon this particular month to catch up on work that I otherwise had pushed off, that stuff which was mindless and there was little rush to complete.  Also this sort of work kept me from having to walk around and exert any more energy than was absolutely necessary.  I wasn't too keen upon being found passed out somewhere in a filing room, what if they never found me?

To my vast relief things seemed to be sailing pretty smoothly for the first few hours sans any sort of urge to clutch my belly in agony from hunger pangs (seriously as if I have any real clue as to what true hunger is even like...seriously I sicken myself at times!) although the clock wasn't being totally uncooperative but by 2 pm things started to go downhill as I was convinced that the minute hand just refused to budge.  I kept picking up my cell phone, then glancing at the computer time, last at the telephone stand just to ‘double-check’.  Amazingly enough they all read the same time.  Was this a conspiracy?  What in the world was going on?  Were we moving backwards in time?

Yes Guys and Gals, the Ramadan Delusions were starting to settle in.  What are these?  I can’t define it really but as I write on over the course of the month, you’ll probably start to figure it out.  Regardless, it is horrible.  My friend came in to ‘checkup’ on me sometime mid-afternoon and as I turned to look at her, I went slightly dizzy.  For those of you who also observe, you know what I mean, right?  It’s this instant of ‘woohoo’ that makes you fear that the head will literally flop clear off your shoulders.  This isn't a good rush I assure you.

From that point forward I could think of nothing but sleep.  I wanted to just lay my head down and snooze till it was time to break the fast.  But work came first.  At one point as I went to the bathroom, I did have to wonder how in the world I even had the urge to go (#1) when there was no liquids in my body.  Didn't make sense to me in the least or maybe I was put out because the actual act of walking to the facility and doing the deed employed energy which was precious to me?  That was probably it. Besides it's amazing the nonsense one can think up when ones brain isn't fully engaged.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m quite the hermit during this month.  I stay in my office, away from the possibility of encountering any aroma of any sort and tune out the world unless its work related.  I avoid the kitchens like the plague, circumventing it as much as possible just to avoid delicious smells wafting my way and I will not, I simply refuse, indulge in any conversations regarding meals.  BTW, this is for only the first few days until my body adjusts, after this I’ll be more normal.   I swear it!  You just wait and see.

At 5 sharp I grabbed my purse while making sure the bberry was slipped into my pocket and jetted out of the firm at impressive speeds.  I would have run had the dizzy spells still not persisted.  I got home and after that everything was blank.  No really, I can’t remember what I did.  I believe I actually made dinner…no not iftar food, but dinner.  Did I make it in anticipation of my consuming it?  Nope, I did it for P.  I realized that there weren't enough green veggies for him to eat so how amazing a wife am I that I actually cooked thinking of him?  Boy that man best thank his lucky stars and do a few extra raka’s of prayers.  He don’t even know…

You want to know the best moment of any day particularly during Ramadan?  The instant you take that first sip of water.  HEAVEN!  And the worse part of it?  The few minutes before as the food stares at you and the clock decides that it won’t even tick anymore, just to spite you.  As kids, Ammu used to insist that we all sit in front of the food for at least 3 minutes prior to breaking, if not more.  Um…what kind of torture is this you wonder?  It’s bad enough that all day long you have to beat down the baser urge to jump some hapless innocent passerby who is in possession of a muffin but then your own parent decides that you need to show one last push of faith and obedience, you must endure endless minutes of sitting in front of food that’s just waiting to be consumed?  Huh?  What?

Let me tell you, not once during our childhood have we ever fully understood this or accepted it with grace.  To this day I still do not get it even though I sit there like a ninny trying not to drool on the pakodas or samosas.  Actually I understand the reasoning, I just don’t agree with it or my mind refuses to, either way I'm about the crabbiest during those few minutes.  Don't talk to me, don't think I'll be congenial and answer you if you have questions for me.  I have one objective in mind and that is to get food into my mouth.  

Do I hog usually at breaking?  Shockingly enough no.  I'll explain in detail more during another blog. Oh BTW, my body did exact its revenge upon me by producing a headache of mammoth proportions which didn't ebb even the slightest bit no matter how much I hydrated after breaking.  That was miserable and I admit the dizziness is truly a constant companion but I’m used to this by now. 

Yea, so day 6 wasn't all that awesome but I murmur a prayer all the time in thanks to the Almighty that I am able to observe Ramadan regardless of how much a challenge it is. 

So as they say (who is they I'm not sure but anyhow): On-wards and upwards… : )