I've sort of mentioned my extended family a few times here and there as I recall never going into any real detail because after all I have all of 33 blogs uploaded and a sister can go just so far. But because of the Raven's win (how this is connected I don't know) I feel all warm and fuzzy from the bottom of my boots to the top of my roots. (Note: This blog was started the day after the Super Bowl...sorry for the delay in posting). So let me tell you a little about my fam.
They are really annoying.
The End.
Haha...I'm kidding! Although they can be annoying I'll be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way and that appreciation for them has only come with time (read that as age and wisdom).
For those who do not know, most of my family are here in the states. My dad's oldest brother was the first, and thanks to him the rest of us started to immigrate, all at different ages, different times. Once my mother became a citizen, she also filed for her family. After I got hitched, P's family also all shifted so now you can just imagine how many of us there are...we're like weeds really, we're everywhere and growing out of control.
Every small occasion for us is a big party and there's a lot of food present, real good food and lots of laughter, the real loud belly aching kind and as big families are want to do, lots of fighting, real bad fights. I admit the last thing isn't a bonus but I've learned that if I can love these folks even through the fights, then it's gotta be the real deal, right? They say you can chose your friends but not your family. Don't I know it but here's the thing, had I the choice anyhow, there is not one member, not one single member that I would trade, be them here in the states or those few that still reside in the motherland. Because, through all those fights, arguments, disagreements, etc..it is a fact that for sure we sure are there for each other regardless of circumstances or life issues and we are fierce in our solidarity. Basically, don't mess with us.
So you get the idea right? For all our craziness, we are one big crazy complicated passionate bunch of fruitcakes who stand together to fight the world if need be as well as yell at each other. You think this is not normal? You'd be severely wrong. It's really normal. I mean all over desi-land there are similar scenarios I'm fairly sure. This is very much a part of our culture, which is this: Parents are not eager to kick their kids out of the house at the age of 18. Hell they would rather lock the door, throw away the keys and bolt the windows. Our parentals do not tell us to get our own money instead they tell us 'what is ours is yours'. Every big, and small, decision becomes a family meeting. When a learners permit is gotten, you must call every single member of the clan so that they hear the 'good news'. When someone gets married, everyone, and I mean every-bloody-person, meets the intended bride/groom. Attending and being apart of weddings? Heck don't even ask. You're not just required to be there at the nuptials, you got to help and you best be asking questions and showing interest. Holidays are where you come home and are engulfed in love and belonging so strong that when you have to go home, you feel tears. We have the families where the elders sit and tell the "children" (this can be anything from the age of 2 to the age of 62, just as long as there's someone older then you there) about their youth, re-tell family stories, share grandparents memories, laugh at childhood antics, wipe tears away as they wistfully remember a member who has since passed on.
Clearly family bond is everything where I come from and as a kid I guess I accepted it without question. It was a big part of life, particularly when at one time it was really just a few of us residing here so it was nice when the remainder of the chaos joined forces. But there were moments when I wanted to run away, thought to myself 'when I get older, I'm so outta here' and I will not have to deal with the crazies. But now, when I am older and I probably could run, I come to realize that I don't want to and in fact I see my generation becoming as close to each other as the prior.
That 'other' generation though belonged to our parents, brothers and sisters who had to tolerate one another (for the most part) but ours...well we just do not have those large numbers of siblings in one family so instead what we do have are cousins. And boy do we have cousins. They are everywhere...peppering the east coast of the US, Pakistan, Bangladesh, India...Brussels : ) They are literally multiplying by the day. And if I had hoped for a second, even a mili-second, that these nutcases would be at least a bit less certifiable than our/their parents...then I should have had my head checked because nope, we are all, and I mean every last single one of us, pretty much the ditto copy of our prior generation and you know what? that's just fine.
This is how I reconciled it to myself: If they have unbound, untold love for each other, then we cousins do too. If they have the ability to bring into their midst their spouses and make them also feel as if they were born into their family, then we cousins possess that same remarkable skill. If they feed each other, take care of each other, are concerned for each other, then we cousins do all those things but we do it on a more voluntary basis. If their nieces and nephews were akin to their own children, then our nieces and nephews hold the same places in our hearts (whether or not we're parents yet). Whereas they were forced to spend time together, to share meals and go out as one, we look for the mere opportunity to do so.
But that's us here right? what about those who are living in the motherland? are we mentally distant from them due to the miles? If you think that's reasonable, that distance does it's tragic magic, then you would be wrong in our case because those 'back home' are as much apart of our existence as those who actually live in the same neighborhood/town/state. We are as very much apart of each others lives, we know what's happening if not on a day-to-day basis but yes, enough so that they are not strangers and we don't suddenly 'hear' of something and are surprised by it. When they cry, we cry for them and when they celebrate we do as well. Our nieces and nephews who have never seen us still very much know who we are because their parents make sure to show them pictures or talk about us. And those here? Well the same is being done.
See the thing is, for us the title 'cousin' isn't what we consider "distant relative". We do not just see our cousins on special holidays or birthdays (if) only. We don't ignore them unless something happens and then they crop up or we do. No we are all connected as our parents have been. We are brothers and sisters. When a non-desi friend of mine tells me 'the last time I saw my cousin was years ago' my head blanks and I look at them like an owl. This very idea doesn't compute. Years? Really? I mean I go like 2 weeks without seeing these folks and I get hate mail or I miss you calls. I can't even think about going home to see my parents without them showing up and if I did try, and they found out later that I had been in town...well, yea I've gone through that guilt trip many times to know it's not worth it. But then again, would I want to go home without them crowding into the house excitedly telling me about what was going on in their lives, demanding for me to take them out for frozen yogurt or coffee, trying to steal a piece of jewelry or clothing or even yes, shoes, right from off my person? Of course not!
Well so there you go, this is my family. I dislike them a lot sometimes but for the most part, I could not imagine breathing a day without knowing that they were all there, the whole lot of them being the nutso crazy ridiculous frustrating exasperating loving caring warm group that they are.
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