Conversations You Hear Around Town: Ear buds, Coffee and Rage

Today, as usual, I arrived at work on time and decided I had just about enough of it on my hand to go grab a cup of coffee.  So I walked into a local shop and while busy getting a hot cup of liquid 'get me through the day', two men walk in.  They were in animated conversation, at least one was fairly engaged as he flailed his hands and was talking rapidly.  The other seemed a bit less expressive in his body language but clearly by the look on his face, he was also very much into the conversation.

I, again as usual, had my trusty ear buds secured and was listening to some acoustic version of 'Duma Dum Mast Qalandar' taped at Coke Studios Pakistan and therefore couldn't hear their words.  If you've ever seen me about town, walking down the streets of DC, you will already know that my music and I are rarely parted.  This is not just because I in fact enjoy the tunes, but because I prefer to ignore humanity as a whole.  Sounds harsh right?  But it's true really.  I do not enjoy being stopped on the streets (other than if it is someone I know and often they will have to jump in front of me physically to be noticed since I'm in my own personal bubble) and I am far too often accosted by bums pandering for a handout for my liking.  It's like I'm a magnet (my prior posts have proven this to be very true).  I am the sort of person who if you see me from far away, you would think I was either stuck up or in a bad mood.  I make sure that my face is carefully blank which inevitably gives me a 'do not even think about talking to me' sort of persona.  That's just fine by me.

Anyhow, so my ear buds are blaring music directly into my head probably causing some sort of hearing issue that I'll have to deal with not too far into the future but as I approach the cashier, I politely take them off.  The cashier, who I've seen many times, is slow but since she is the only person there, I sigh and wait for her to charge me the $1.85 for the steaming cup presently clutched in my cold hand. 

It is during this moment that the two gentlemen slide up behind me and I hear one say to the other something to the extent of:  "May be what you should do is to tell her to dress less provocatively?  At least then the men won't flock around her and they can focus."

My brain sort of stuttered to a stop as it is often want to do.  I felt as if I needed to shake it, clean out my ears (which I did thoroughly this morning anyhow) again or turn and ask "excuse me?  Can you repeat that?"

To hear such words...so early in the morning...from a man who seemed to be fairly successful and well-to-do...well I guess such stupidity doesn't restrict itself to the abjectly uneducated person or downtrodden, right?  No indeed and the two men there were, if not book smart, at least successful to some extent if I was to go by only their clothing alone.  Hey, if they could afford to wear tailored suits and shiny loafers, they weren't bad off I was thinkin'.  I felt ill. 

The 2nd man made a response, but it was under his breath.  I guess he understood how inappropriate the conversation was for such a public place.  I wished I heard what he said though, but I didn't think it would have pleased me for the 1st man chuckled in reaction.  Right.

I paid up, scooted past them and left.  Walking back to work, I couldn't help but wonder who these men were, who was the woman they were talking about, why in the world would they say/think such stupid things (no less in a public place and very loudly) and more importantly, did they really believe such garbage?  People, men specifically, still thought this way?  In this day and age, how was it possible even?The questions buzzed around in my head and I figured, why not put it into blog form?  So here I am.

Can anyone answer my question?  Am I getting this wrong?  Am I overreacting (which I do plenty)?  Can someone tell me any scenario where it's justified to suggest to a woman that she dress less provocatively unless said woman is in a place of worship?  And how is it a woman's fault that just because she dresses to look pleasing, a man/men will/would be distracted?  Why do men feel that it is okay to lay the blame of their wandering eyes solely on the shoulders of women?  You're telling me you can't control such a simple body function?  By the way, before anyone cries foul on me, let me clarify, yes sometimes (a lot of times) we do dress to please men, to be admired, to attract attention and all that jazz but I know far too many women who could give a rats ass about that and dress to feel good, look good, feel attractive but yes, all for themselves so please if you think that the only reason women put on a low cut shirt or a short skirt is because of you...then you have another thing coming.  Hell we even dress like that to make our girlfriends jealous, so really...don't feel so special.   

Now, let me just say to be totally fair, I have also judged a few women on their clothing choices.  I too have looked at a woman and said 'boy that is so inappropriate' or 'what the hell was she thinking?' but my reasons are not to lay blame for my inability to focus nor to huffily point out that they are the reason for distracting me from the task at hand.  No, I am a woman and I'm bitchy by nature...as well as harsh on my own gender.  That's why I do it.

And don't think I am so ignorant or naive that I am not aware that this type of conversation is happening every where, in every country, time zone, race, religion, blah blah blah.  Sure it is, but that doesn't mean its okay.  This is just not okay PERIOD.  In a world where women are now CEO's of fortune 100 and 500 companies, ruling nations, sitting in Congress and being the sole breadwinners of a family, why are we still being subjected to such insulting views? 

Tell her to dress down so that they will not be distracted?  Really?  But is she doing her job?  Is she competent?  Is she doing what she's supposed to be doing?  Aren't those the questions?  What if she were more...masculine in her demeanor/styling choices?  Would that then be better?  Or would you go around and say 'she's far too masculine, tell her to make it softer, sexier'?  I don't think so.  And if we women could say such things, would we?  The most I've commented is that some dude doesn't have a sense of style...but then again that's as far as we could go right? 

I am just plain ol' outraged is what it is and I can't help but sit here and think to myself, 'if this is what society still is and how the common man still thinks, then we really are in a heap of trouble.'

One last thought (yes, don't I sound so uber Jerry Springer-esq?):  I do not know all the facts.  I do not know what she is like, what the whole situation is nor any details.  I have no connection to any of these people and that's just fine by me but I think that a person doesn't have to read a 300 page white paper to 'get it'.  I get it and I'm saddened by it because this thing leads to a much bigger and horrific issue about rape and how men justify their actions by blaming it on women for their way of dressing and...that's definitely another blog.

Anyhow, I guess the only good thing about taking off my ear buds and listening is that I have blog topics.  May be I should do it more...

May be.