Why You Fake Piece of *$#@!!!!

Bet the title got your attention, eh?

Recently I sent out a message bred of utter desperation for help on Facebook to see if my peeps could throw blog ideas my way.  There were lots of interesting suggestions but the overall majority of folks voted for ‘fake friends’.  I decided to allow Google to assist and came up with the following quotes that I liked best:

“It may...be judged indecent in me to come forward on this occasion; but when I see a fellow-creature about to perish through the cowardice of her pretended friends, I wish to be allowed to speak, that I may say what I know of her character.”
― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

“This is what happens. You tell your friends your most personal secrets, and they use them against you.”
― Sophie Kinsella, Shopaholic Ties the Knot

“What a desperate, pathetic fool I was. Time after time, my "friends" had shown me their true colors. Yet, I still wanted to believe they were sorry for causing me pain. p. 128”
― Jodee Blanco, Please Stop Laughing at Me... One Woman's Inspirational Story

I find this topic very interesting.  Fake friends.  The first question that pops into my mind is, “is a fake friend, a friend at all?”  But it’s nonetheless hard to answer.  I mean how do you know someone will be ‘fake’ or is ‘fake’ from the word go?  You don’t.  Humans are awfully great at putting on elaborate facades (and we are equally okay with being duped.  We inherently wish to give others the benefit of the doubt and live in our own brand of utopia where everyone in it is good, nice, honest, kind, etc…).  Sure there are some who are blunt and in your face, who will be quick to reject even breathing in the same space as you the second you are introduced (or not introduced).  Those people are far easier to deal with and less dangerous.  You may not like what they have to say, you may not appreciate their abrasive ‘I don’t give a hot damn what you think’ attitude either but they are not fooling you because to them, you’re not worthy enough to be fooled and at the end of the day, they really truly don’t give a damn.

The sort of folks this blog is dedicated to is those individuals who would look you dead in the eyes, smile sweetly to you, tell you are the best thing since chocolate and as soon as your back is turned they talk smack up, down and sideways about you.  These people have for the most part honed the art of faking.  Not for a second will you know what they’re all about because for them it’s all about manipulation.  Either they’re manipulating you or someone else while making utterly sure that the two people should never connect and exchange notes otherwise they’d be busted.  These people find disturbing pleasure in others pain.  These people internally cackle with glee when the world fights.  And let's not forget these are also the misguided individuals who feel as if they have a personal vendetta against you and want nothing better than to destroy your good reputation (I find this hilarious because in essence those who do this often are only looking sort of crap-headed to their audience, aside from their own minions).  I figure these are also the hell beasts who would love to kick puppies and drown kittens if they could and if they do?  They’d blame someone else for it.  Just sayin’.  And these are the same people who absolutely love, love, love to start rumors...the nastier, the better. 

Side bar:  As a stupid teenager I too was guilty of talking smack and causing a ruckus, of even being a friend yet not knowing what that meant.  I went through a brief stint in life where I hurt some people who I never intentionally nor viciously wanted to hurt and that came back to ultimately bite me right in the tuckus.  I’ve learned my lesson and since then have never ever repeated the same mistake.  If I can’t be a real friend, I won’t be one at all, this is now my motto. 

Moving on, the worst thing about these sorts of ‘fake friends’?  It’s that by the time their inner self has been revealed to you, you’ve already pretty much trusted them with enough personal information about yourself that you live in fear as to what precisely they’ll reveal to whom.  It’s a sickening feeling and they know this and I suspect, revel in this fact.    

But I’ll admit not many people have this brand of power over me (anymore) and that’s because I’m very cautious about who I allow into my ‘circle of truth’ particularly now as an adult.  Those folks are well vetted and whom I have enough dirt on that they would never dare to turn around and talk about me (I joke, I joke (but I don’t)).  Seriously, no longer do I let into my world the first person who says hi or seems even a slight bit cool.  I know that under each façade there can be a layer of crazy so it takes me a while to open up and reveal my true self.  And this also extends to the net.  I don’t just add anyone, even if they’re a friend of a friend or simply because they look ‘cute’.  To me, I gots to know you in order to let you get a glimpse of my existence.  And I have yet to understand how in the world anyone just ‘accepts’ anyone else into their life at face value anymore.  Not with the crazies that roam this planet, no Siree.  If you haven’t done your due diligence then I can’t say you don’t deserve whatever it is that fake friend is going to eventually dish out to your nincompoop-ish butt, either in reality or virtually.

And that brings me back to Facebook.  I’ve seen many very passionate folks on my FB timeline calling out others for being fake and of course like the little nosy busy body that I can be (time permitting), I have to wonder what led to it.  What made someone log onto social media only to call someone else out?  And moreover, if you’re announcing it on FB, is that person still a part of your ‘friends’ list?  If they are then why are they?  Why haven’t you proverbially kicked that person to the curb and be done with it?  And okay so they are a part of your friends list still even after committing whatever transgression they have against you, are you calling them out in hopes to teach them a lesson?  Like a virtual tap on the shoulder?  No really, what is the ultimate point?  What message are you trying to get across?  And why give them the glee and pleasure of knowing that they caused you any sort of angst at all?  I mean, why even address it and give them that evil delight?  The block button can often be your best friend.   Lastly, say you did employ the defriend option, then what’s the point of the rant?  To seem like you’re a badass, smarter than the average bear?  Look at it this way, that person can’t even see what you’re riling on about.  This to me is akin to talking to a brick wall or an empty room. 

I’m not asking these questions because I’m judging; I’m just simply trying to understand the human psyche.  I believe it is because we are emotional creatures and quite reactionary bunch by nature (not all but a good majority) which spurs us on to posting something dramatic on a public networking site, particularly when we know we will receive votes of support and cheers from our counter parts.  However I can’t help but wonder how useful this truly is when the people ‘liking’ or saying ‘go girl/dude’ does not actually know the meat of the matter?  What’s the point when there is no 3^rd person perspective?  And that too completely unbiased.  But again, humans like instant gratification.  We run away from offering too much honesty and information because possibly, just possibly, we have to be faced with the fact that we could be wrong.  And god forbid we should ever stand accountable for our own actions. 

But that is neither here nor there.  The fact is that yes there are fake individuals everywhere and now thanks to the internet, there are even more interesting ways that they can mess with you.  Whether it’s from a general comment to a post, a post of their own which they tag you in or all out start some crap on your wall.  We are now able to air our dirty laundry easier, start up a virtual war far quicker and even add to the ranks with a simple private message and before a person understands fully what they have done wrong, they are suddenly de-friended.  We can amass more of an army via FB, Twitter or whatnot then the draft, think about it. 

If you hadn’t realized how powerful social networking is, now you do. 

And for a moment, let’s talk about those who add you to their friends list but never ever say a word.  Never mind even on birthdays a wish, they simply jump onto your page to stalk the hell out of you but stay quiet creepers.  These are the same people who have been categorized as a ‘friend’ (by virtue of nature to the way FB is set up) and yet they are not by any stretch of the imagination.  These people are the same who may read about your problems yet never once write a ‘k’ in response.  You are simply a drive by on their radar.  You add drama and something interesting to their newsfeed but you’re not good enough to really communicate with you.  Heck, some of these folks, after hitting the ‘add’ button not once thought it would be nice to actually talk to you, to get to know who you are.  The acceptance of their friend request is enough and besides, it bumps their own friend number.  Mmmm...k.  Let me tell you how much I like these people…if like meant I generally find them to be douchebags.  I personally think that these people also fall into the ‘fake friends’ category.  Hell, to more easily identify them, I think FB should have a group called ‘fake friends’.

The thing though that I can’t understand, the very basic of it is, why the need to be fake?  What pleasure does it truly garner?  Do you not have a life?  Do you lack something interesting to do other than going around messing with other people’s lives and happiness?  Or are you just that evil that the agony you may cause another, even of the pettiest sort, in turn brightens your day?  Is that what you were taught when you were but wee little tykes?  I can’t imagine a mother or father anywhere sitting their son and daughter down saying something like, “well this is how you go about destroying someone… and don’t forget to laugh in a maniacal way at the end once they’re crying bloody tears.”  Of course I’m probably wrong, there are probably rentals out there in the world teaching their kids all sorts of horrible things to do, leading by example.  But this was never a lesson I was taught hence I cannot fully fathom.

Anyhow, I guess long ago I stopped expecting anything from anyone which is why I don’t have to worry about who is fake and who is real.  That is revealed to me with time anyhow.  In the meantime I recognize that we are humans; we will disappoint, sadden and let each other down.  Sometimes we hurt others unintentionally, other times it’s malicious and the pain inflicted is indeed a conscious blow.  Even those who speak long and loud about the fakeness that abounds within their own relationships (often accompanied with outrage and towering anger) to some extent fail to look within themselves to see whether they, at one point or another, had done the same thing to someone else.  Oh, I’m not saying they don’t have the right to their feelings, of course they do.  I don’t know you’re details, only you do, so go on, you do you.  But I can say I have (been malicious as well as introspective of my own behavior) and this, in essences,  is why I consciously would not and do not represent myself as a friend when in truth I could care less about you.  Sounds cold, right?  But the fact is that this attitude causes less damage.  If you don’t expect anything from me, then when I give you nothing, you won’t be all that upset.  

Anyhow, so I think I’ve written enough about this.  I’m sure many thoughts will pop into my head as soon as I hit ‘post’ but that’s just how my brain works.  Long after I’ve published a blog, I’m still thinking about the angles I failed to cover.  It’s probably also why my brain hurts long into the night.

So to all my fake and real friends out there, enjoy your weekend.