Instead I’ve long since pulled on
comfy shoes, slung a ridiculously big purse over my shoulder loaded with a
book, heels, ipod, ear buds and on occasion lunch, then joined the work force
like millions of other worker drones around the world. My mode of transport? WMATA.
Washington Metropolitan something, Transit Authority. I could Google this but I’m too lazy. Yes, I was a metro person. And here in DC, there are really two
categories of humans. The metro-er and
the driver. Each thinks he’s got it
worse than the other, each will defend their mode of transport till their dying
day or until they decide to switch teams.
There’s another group, the bikers (as in ding ding, not vroom vroom) but
we like to ignore them (and some of us try to run them over, just sayin’…) as
hippy tree hugging exercise freaks.
Understand this; I used to be one
a long time ago (no, not riding a bike, the train). The reason I’m not anymore is because I hated
it…with a passion. Having spent nearly 7
years schlepping via this particular mode of transport hell in all sorts of
ridonkulous weather finally did me in and I was only too happy to convert to a
driver instead of joining the massive teaming throngs of disgruntled worker
bees stuffed into a tin bin. There also
was the pesky fact that I never ever left work before 9pm. This meant that the trains were running ‘regular’
schedule. This basically meant the train
would pull up whenever it wanted to and you could be possibly cooling your
heels for up to 45 mins in-between.
Awesome. There was nothing worse than
to go huffing and puffing down the escalator after a train only to watch it
pull away with a groan and a glow of red rear break lights.
Anyway, what’s spurred me on to
writing a blog about something as boring as commuting? Well a few weeks ago a colleague came into my
office and regaled me with a story about one of our other colleagues who was
sitting in the metro and a random woman came to sit right beside him. Not a big deal, right? But the thing was, there were at least 15
seats available around him. I simply
nodded in understanding. Oh how well I
remembered.
There is definitely a plus point
in public transport such as saving energy, gas and money. You’re not at the gas station gaping at a
100+ dollar receipt after only one week of filling your tank up. You’re not incurring road rage and wanting to
smash into the butthead in front of you.
True story.
But the negatives of public
transport far outweigh those of driving it, in my opinion. Let me highlight a few pitfalls (according to
my prior experience).
1.) Time
and Train Waits for No One: I don’t
think it’s necessarily faster to go the train/bus way. For me it used to be the following: drive to the metro, park, hoof it to the
station, jump onto the train, change trains, get off the right stop and either
a.) walk to work or b.) take a shuttle to work.
This was never faster. In fact
this was frustrating and by the time I either got to work or home from work, I
was disgruntled as hell. I can assure
you, a disgruntled me, you do not want to come face to face with.
2.) Reliability, No Such Creature: It’s like a unicorn or the Loch Ness
monster. You know it’s out there
somewhere but have never actually seen it.
There is no such word in connection with public transport. Not that I’m saying driving your own vehicle is
any more consistent but the metro? Way
less. And if one takes into account how
old some of the tracks/trains are, how they are often ‘single-tracking’, how
the escalators often break down, problems with the buses and even traffic
issues, well you’re screwed. I’m not
going to mention the occasional accidents that occur inside the stations such
as…well jumpers.
3.)
Patience
of a ____- (insert your own animal or thing or person or whatever): If you don’t have this particular trait in
spades, you can’t go very long using public transport without some sort of
arrest-able offense…or breaking down in hysterical sobs when once again you
miss another train that takes off without you.
4.) Holy Crap, Look at that Crowd: This was probably my biggest issue during
those long endless years. If there were
me or two other people, great but rarely was this the case unless I was heading
home at about 11:30pm on a random Wednesday night. Oh hi, painful. During peak rush hours you’re crammed into a
metal sardine can-like vehicle that is never the right temperature with a lot
of other disgruntled folks just like yourself. I don’t know about you but I know just how
‘pleasant’ I am in the A.M. and the idea of having to endure time in confined
spaces is not something even I can stomach.
Actually, even crowded movie theaters give me the sad-y so imagine what
this would do to me.
5.) Welcome to FunkyTown: And when I say ‘funky’ I mean FAWNKAY! Like as in ‘ew…what the hell is that smell????’ I’ve asked that question many times as I’ve
had to resort to stuffing my nose into my own shirt or cover my nostrilage
while sneaking a peak around at the possible offender. You take a combination of folks who fail to
bathe, bathe in their favorite cologne/perfume, bathe in spices (yes Indians,
I’m speaking to you), drenched in sweat stank or generally their clothes
haven’t had a good washing in eons and therefore could probably stand outright
from the grime by themselves (*ugh*), and you’ve got yourself a funkytown
party. Oh also let’s not forget all those
lovely visitors to the Nation’s Capital who love to tromp around all day in the
sun and then assault us with that particular brand of ugh.
6.) You Want Directions? I’ll Give You Directions!: It has never failed, ever. I’m sitting there minding my own business,
music playing, reading a book and all of the sudden there is a tap on my
shoulder or a face nearly shoved right in-front of my own. And it’s someone who looks confused and
dazed, may be even panicked asking me where this place or that restaurant is
and could I provide the right directions.
Really? Why are you even on this train without
knowing where the hell you’re going? And
why in the world are you bothering me?
Clearly I’m doing something here!
These are the thoughts that are going through my head.
7.) Chatty McChatterson: There’s always that one person who decides to
plop down next to you, once again ignoring whatever it was you were doing and determines
that you are suddenly his/her new bestie.
And no matter how you try to faze them out, politely go back to whatever
it was that you were doing, they just won’t leave you alone. The
only way to escape is when you get to your disembarkation spot and scramble to
get as far away from Mr. or Mrs. Chatty as is quick as possible. Now I’m not an antisocial human by nature but
still…dang man, back up!
8.) Get the HELL Out of the Doorway: Why, oh why, do some people need to camp out
right at the doorway of the metro? What precisely
are you afraid of, that you’ll miss your stop?
That you’ll be lost F.O.R.E.V.E.R?
Well guess what, you can just get out at the next station and catch the
train going in the opposite direction. This
is not the end of the world, just in case you were wondering. So how about you move on over, Cupcake, let
us all get the chance to enter the train without having to squeeze by your
stinky-butt or before you’re beaten into a bloody pulp with a plethora of
messenger bags or designer Kate Spade’s.
9.) Personal Bubble Space Clearly Means Nothing
to You, Does It?: I am convinced
that there is a group of metro riders out there who have no concept of ‘arm’s
length’. Granted sometimes you can’t
help it, space is limited during rush hour hence don’t expect it either. But what about those who will actually look
around, see that there are about 40 open spots but chose the seat right next to
you? What is this all about? Why?
WHY? Don’t you feel the need to
spread out like I do? Are you also the
person who gets onto an elevator and crowd the other people there too? Do you really have so little grasp on the concept
of personal bubble? If not, here…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_space. Learn it, Love it and most importantly…STEP
BACK!
10.) Creepy
Alert: Here’s a fun story for
you. One evening as I was heading home
at about 10pm, I got onto the train exhausted but knew that if I closed my
eyes, I would miss my next stop. Pulling
out my always handy book, entitled Mr.
Right, I became engrossed quickly. 1
stop from mine, a gentleman comes over to me, hands me a card and leaves. It’s a small business card and I think not
much of it. At my stop I place the card
between the pages of the book and rush out.
While waiting for the next train, my eyes fall back onto the card and I
note there is scrawling on the back. I
turn it around and see the following written for mine eyes: May be
I can be your Mr. Right. My body
stiffens as I look around may be fearful that he was there somewhere
close. Not that I would have known
because I hadn’t even gotten a good look.
The fact is, there is an abundance of creepers that you have to deal
with while public transporting. You
often have to deal with unwanted gazed, unwanted comments and even on occasion
unwanted touches. That incident left
such a foul taste in my mouth that soon after I decided I’d rather deal with DC
traffic.
11.) Shut
UP!: This isn’t your office or
home. Stop talking so loud into your
phone that everyone can hear what you’re up to.
I don’t care. Simple.
12.) Um…Is
this What Your Parents Taught You?:
During the school year, you have to take into account kids who also use
the metro. For the most part they are
quiet and respectful but then there are those little punks who have no home
training, who will happily talk at the top of their lungs, jeer and curse
without thought and sometimes start something with someone they simply don’t
like. They are irritating, horrible and
you want to lay on them an epic beat down with your umbrella and you can’t help
but wonder which zoo these creatures grew up in.
13.) Well Hello There, You Racist, You: This one is a given. It’s everywhere, so why would it be spared
here? And it’s a sad sight to
witness. I’ve caught someone shifting
away from another simply based on color (and you may wonder how I know it’s due
to color rather than something else but when you have someone dressed nicely, looking
as professional and work weary as anyone else, then there are some reasonable
assumptions you can make). I’ve once seen
a person refuse to sit down because there is someone not of their ‘ilk’ hence
instead of taking a load off, the lil racist jerk would rather stand. Again the only reason I knew this to be true
was because the person was not ‘quiet’ about their contempt. BTW, I’m not saying that it’s one race who
avoids another more so, I’m just saying it’s obvious and it’s rampant. And saddening.
There are a few more things that I
don’t like about commuting in general but I’ll spare y’all for now.Have a great day and Happy Staff Appreciation Week!
No comments:
Post a Comment