Repost - Was I like this at 12?

The blogging continues...

Occasionally I'll go delving into the old blog I used to keep and will repost a few that I deem interesting and non-controversial.  Trust me, that blog, full of controversy.  Anyhoo...I was perusing it once more and found this one that I liked enough to share (again).

Hope you like it too.  Oh keep in mind as you read that I wrote this nearly 3 years ago at which time I was a law firm slave : ) (I do say this with some bit of tongue in cheek-ness for I loved that firm a lot.)
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I realize that once again I've fallen off the 'regular blogger' wagon. I, again, have absolutely no good excuse aside from siting pure laziness (and/or no real topic in which I could have written expansively about). Either way I've been absent from my beloved blog for quite a while. So what brings me back? Some sort of epiphany? Maybe the sudden realization that I was missing something important in my life by having stayed away for so long? Or possibly the dreaded writers block has lifted and the words flow from my fingers with ease.

Unfortunately, none of the above are reasons for my reappearance.

So here's what's really happened:

Today, a bunch of middle school children were invited to the firm to see for themselves the glory of law firm life, come face to face with real life lawyers and 'staff'. I was asked to be one of the two paralegals who would have a round table discussion with groups of eager kids (okay, maybe eager isn't the right word for them but I digress). Fo had warned me that when they had visited his office earlier in the morning, they had asked some pretty intelligent questions so I shouldn't underestimate them one bit. Maybe a part of me still scoffed thinking 'really, how intelligent is intelligent?'. Yeah well I should have just shut up and listened to Fo.

These kids were pretty damn brilliant. I found myself slack-jawed on many occasions during the course of our conversation, which I believe is a good thing.

The real question that I found myself asking all day long, well after the kiddies had walked out waving bye to us, cheerfully calling out 'thank you's' (and that too after 4 young girls begged Fo to hire them for a day as his assistance *grin*) and other appreciative exclamations, was: was I like this when I was 12?

And these were the inevitable follow-up questions:
Was I this driven?
Was I this ambitious?
Was I this focused?

The depressing answer: HELL NO.

This is what I remember of my 12, 13 year old self:

I hated school. I should be more ashamed to admit that but somehow I'm not. At that time, in middle school, the very idea that I had some 8+ years of schooling left to go through often turned my stomach. I wanted out of the institution and couldn't imagine ever looking back on those glorious years with any sort of fondness. Maybe the reason for my hatred for all that accompanied schooling was simply the very fact that I was aware of my academic ability (or lack thereof), accepted it and had half convinced myself that there really wasn't anything better out there for me than to become a wife to a man that my parents would eventually chose for me, subsequently settling down into domestic bliss.

Here's the thing about growing up though. Eventually, you do. And all those middle school inadequacies, the sad lack of ambition, a future one is positive was destined to be full of nothing but diapers and curry also...grows up. Frankly I don't know when the tides turned. I can't put my thumb on the exact moment. I wish I could for conversation sake.

These kids, I found myself envying them so very much. They say envy is a sin but I do believe it's the type of envy one is talking about. Not the type that wishes harm, but the other type...you know, the wistful type. Yeah, that was the type I was today because whether they (the children) realized it or not (and they probably haven't...or at least all of them haven't) they had their futures stretched before them simply waiting, an empty page to be written upon, a white wall that could be splashed with glorious color, a barren stretch of land waiting to be seeded. I was envious of them, saddened that my time had passed.