Darn you Hallmark Channel!

Last night as I was cleaning up my bedroom I turn on the television, as I’m want to do.  I always seem to need background noise.  I think this is because growing up in a home where humanity seemed to crawl through at all times of the day or night making very loud noises, I became accustomed.  Now in my own home with only P and myself there aren’t many sounds to be heard.  I mean sure we have the occasional conversation about this or that but after 17 years we pretty much have it down.   The television can sometimes be our salvation although neither of us is too adverse to turning off the tube and simply reading or browsing the internet. 

Anyhow, it’s a little past 10 and most of the shows I like to catch have come and gone.  Now I’m on ‘let’s roll the dice and see what I win’ mode.  May be some History channel?  A little Discovery, anyone?  Oh wait, Nat Geo is having a special on…mmmm…  Anthony Bourdain’s new show is on CNN, right?  Wait, wait did you see that monster cake on Food Network…and sometimes an oldie but goodie will make reappearance in the form of “Friends” or even “Who’s the Boss”.  I loved me some Tony Danza.

Scrolling through the TV guide (and may I just take a moment here to say how much I miss the old paper magazine TV guides?   I think that’s where we honed our original research skills trying to figure out what time and on which channel that show was on.  The pictures were fun too) and my eyes glazed over.  Talk about information overload.  Before I go on, let me ask you folks, why the heck do we need 1000 channels to appease our ravenous need for entertainment?  What does this say about humanity precisely?  Are we so greedy that just 5 channels can’t satisfy us?  Heck I remember the days when we did only have 5 channels and one of them was fuzz!  What did we do about it?  Not a darn thing.  We simply adjusted the bunny rabbit metal antennas, turned the broken nob with pliers (which emitted loud ‘click click’ noises) to the channel we wanted and sat strategically around the room for maximum non-interference of television watching.

Okay, now moving on.  At one point I just stopped and went about my business figuring that sound was sound, it wasn’t as if I was really watching anything.  There I was folding socks (who doesn’t love folding socks…I prefer the balled up method) wondering where the matching pair goes to die/hide when to my horror I hear “jingle bells, jingle bells…”  My whole body instantly tensed.  What in the heck… I had to double check quickly that I hadn’t somehow stumbled into a time machine and was delivered to my future (note:  my future still has folding socks in it…boo).  Alas it was but Nov 3 and sure enough there was Christmas music blaring from the TV.  For an instant I dismissed it as a possible commercial blurb (which is still not okay).

Looking up I wasn’t surprised to see that it was the Hallmark Channel making this entire ruckus nor was I shocked in the least that they were already blaring out uplifting jingle bell-y music.  Oh boy was I not happy. 

Immediately I fumed quietly, socks forgotten.  It’s November, NOT December…NOVEMBER, I railed internally.  And during the commercial break the channel kept advertising “25 days till Xmas”.  Um, who’s the marketing genius who clearly doesn’t know how to count?  It’s not that difficult.  Hell, ask the homeless guy outside, he’d probably be able to count down for you.  Just sayin’.

So yea can we say ‘too much’?  It’s all too much.  I am a huge fan of Thanksgiving and would like it to get the do respect that it deserves.  Instead of leaping ahead in time, creating the hoopla that inevitably will happen with all this buildup, how about taking it one holiday at a time?   Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Christmas.  Yes, yes, I’m a Muslim but living in a country where the predominant holiday is not Islamic, one has to make do with what they got.  I admit freely that I have an extra little bounce in my step when I hear the nonstop insistent deck-the-halls music, see the twinkling lights everywhere winking at you and sip hot cocoa in cold nippy weather.  I j’adore scarves and gloves and fuzzy wool hats too.  I love peaking at trees decorated beautifully in the windows of neighbors home as I walk (or drive) by.  Wait, that last sentence really made me sound like a stalker.  I’m not.  I’m talking casual stroll people, not lurking behind trees or in bushes peering with binoculars. 

But come on, give me some Thanksgiving first.  In fact, let the anticipation of Dec 25 build.  Actually 2 months’ worth of ‘building’ is overkill.  Once the day arrives you’re almost let down.  You have to go ‘oh wait, that was it, wasn’t it?’  Turn on the anticipation dial once we hit the 1^st of December mark on the calendar!  And in the meantime why can’t we just anticipate another awesome holiday?  I want to see more items around the homes being covered in fall foliage, more papier-mâché turkeys being pasted or put on surfaces of desk/homes, way more goofy Pilgrim felt cut outs, pumpkin pies literally perfuming the air and endless yummy thanksgiving recipes being flashed up on the television screen.  I want to really look forward to getting up and watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (which I’m sad to report that I never see in its entirety since I’m snoozing and usually only catch the last 30 minutes of) and fall into a food coma later after having eaten too much.   

I want to anticipate all this but it just can’t happen I fear because with Xmas thrust into our faces by all media outlets as well as retailers, it’s hard to focus on what’s in the immediate future.   

I protest people, this is me totally protesting! 

Did I turn off the television in outrage or at least change the channel to something more season appropriate?  Of course not…don’t be ridiculous.  Have you seen these Hallmark movies?  The ones they air particularly during this time of the year?  They’re all about love and family and fuzzy bunnies…may be not the last one as much as the first two but ‘fuzzy bunny’ feelings are in ample display.  Even the most hardened cynical non-romantic heart secretly loves these sappy movies.  I have a few male friends who walk around projecting an air of uber masculinity but have come out of the closet and professed that there had been occasions when they found themselves drawn into some movie or another where the end scene is crescendo-ing trumpets, falling snow and two people embracing or kissing.  Yup, that’s just how these movies roll.  They suck you in and won’t let you go till the credits roll.  How can you resist such feel goodie-ness?

You may be wondering if I’ve watched any more since. 

Yes…yes I have.  (I’m a total and utter sucker).

Meh…happy ‘pre’ holidays.