Rainy Monday Musings

In my present unemployed state, yes in case you hadn’t realized I am indeed unemployed, I have taken up the habit of coming to Starbucks with my lappy and at least acting as if I’m doing something important.  I took up this habit a year and some change ago when I was laid off but at that time coming to Starbucks often included sobbing into my coffee as I wondered what had gone so terribly wrong with my life.  This time things are different.  I chose to be unemployed and haven’t looked back once since making this decision.  My unemployment is not common knowledge to a lot of friends, even those who are on FB but that’s because I do have some sense of privacy. 

Judiciously I decided not to make the announcement at all this time because I was warned by someone I trust and love that even those who I think of as ‘well-wishers’ may be judging me.  I had to give this some legit thought.  After all I’m fairly sure a lot of people wonder why I’m on FB as much as I am but heck I used to do that even when I was employed so there’s nothing unusual there.  Anyhow taking the advice for a certain length of time, I’ve decided to sort of come out of the closet.  If my friends don’t read my blog, they won’t know but can’t be outraged over the non-information either because if they were friends, wouldn’t they be reading this blog?

Now it isn’t like I don’t want to be employed, more like I have decided to take a rest, which P had fully encouraged.  I’ve diligently sent resumes out into the world, have even had a few bites as well as interviews but things, particularly in this economic climate, have been moving slow.  Thinks snail’s pace.  Not a problem.  I’ve had more time to myself to do those things I don’t usually do such as grabbing my camera, driving to some spot I have yet to visit and take pictures to my heart’s content.  I’ve also had a lot of op to read.  I’ve devoured many books in the past few weeks and feel as if I’m somehow getting a bit of ‘me’ back again.  And then there are those rare chances where I can even make friends.  That’s what one does when they’re often grabbing lunch alone somewhere.  People sit next to you and strike up conversations randomly.  Sometimes you don’t want to deal with it therefore ear buds are popped in and the world is tuned out.  However there are rare occasions where the person next to you needs company as much as you do.  I have met some fairly fascinating as well as weird folks.  A few make me wonder why they are out in the world at that time of day while others make me thankful that they aren’t employed and working amongst the sane.  These latter folks are the ones who I picture one day grabbing a weapon and going postal.  This isn’t funny as much as it is simple true.  This world is just chalk full of some pretty weird tickets. 

Anyhow my favorite destination is still Starbucks even though I’ve roamed near as well as far.  I sort of like the chill atmosphere, the quick availability of good java only a few paces away, an outlet you can hook up to as well as free Wi-Fi.  What else does a body need? 

Most of the time I’m banging away at my computer editing a chapter of a book, downloading music or stalking FB friends but there are moments when conversation can’t be tuned out and I’m privy to a plethora of interesting tid-bits. And this is precisely why I’m blogging today.

Rainy and dank I decided that I was rotting inside the house therefore I gathered together gear, braved the elements and found a quiet corner in the coffee shop that played soft music (the shop, not the corner).  After snagging a hot beverage I sat and was checking my emails when the conversation from the couple next to me drifted over.  Honestly I was sitting so close that there wasn’t much space to drift and I shamelessly listened.  An older couple sat together, the woman blushing a bit as she spoke to the gentleman who was grinning widely at her.  To be honest, I don’t think they noticed me at all.

They were speaking about her daughter’s recent wedding at some ranch.  She was describing the event in detail, quickly assuring him that it wasn’t as ‘kitschy’ as it sounded.    He quickly said ‘oh yes, I’m sure it wasn’t’ soothing her as I smiled behind my coffee.  Their conversation continued but I decided that I would leave them to it and listen to my music.  Even if they were in a public place, some privacy was deserved. 

As I sat with my legs crossed “Indian” style under me, flip flops kicked off, hair slightly wet from the rain, I wondered fleetingly if the two weren’t on their first meet up. It isn’t uncommon for a first date to be a casual meeting at a coffee place and these two had the earmarks of such a thing happening.  Her blush wasn’t the only indication.  They were leaning into each other but there was a certain amount of reserve.  They were sharing information that two people who had a long standing relationship would probably be imparting to one another.  It was adorable to watch them (out of the corner of my eyes which I admit gave me a slight headache) and my writers mind went off in all sorts of directions.

I wondered whether it was in fact the first date and if so would there be a second.  Was she into him?  Was he smiling at her in that way thinking he wanted to see her again?  What would the next meet up be like?  Would he call on her?  Would he court her, woo her with flowers, may be roses or would he go for tulips?  Would they go to some place to dance to Sinatra reminiscing about their youth or would she get gussied up so he could take her to some fancy restaurant in the city?  He seemed a gentleman and she looked so proper elegant.  Surely he would wear a suit and she would wear pearls!  If they didn’t, I think my spirit would be disappointed.  Would they exchange a kiss on the first date?  Or would they wait a respectful amount of time?  How that generation handled the whole dating thing anyhow, I wondered. 

It’s pretty late at night right now.  They’ve left long since even before I departed but all evening my mind was still making stories regarding their progressing possibly budding romance.  I caught myself smiling over them several times.  I dunno…I haven’t always considered myself big on romance; I’m a bit too pragmatic for all that.  I don’t know if I believe in that ‘forever after’ sort of love.  I’m more the type that trusts that love fades with time, even the most greatest of loves.  I believe that had Romeo and Juliet lived and gotten married, she’d be bitching about him leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor and he’d be making excuses to escape the house from her constant nagging.  Their kids would eat up their time, their families would drive them crazy and their jobs would take every waking hour away from each other.  That the once passionate love affair they shared would eventually turn into a warm sort of comfortable “well worn” pair of fuzzy slippers sort of affection. 

You wonder what that is?  Well, it’s precisely what it sounds like.  Those favorite slippers that you slide your feet into that makes you feel at home, the same ones that you could never fathom being rid of and no matter how many new pairs can be out there in the market, you would never ever replace them.  The very thought of it in fact makes you unhappy.  Yes, that’s the sort of love I think most romance sort of morphs into…but…

For those out there who are single, reading this and are thinking “well that’s a damn shame” let me tell you this, it isn’t.  If you are one of those seriously lucky individuals who can in fact wake up every morning not wanting to trade your spouse/lover/boyfriend/girlfriend in for a new model, then mazel tov.  If you, in fact, can go through the day without cursing the very thought of your beloved into nonexistence, then hurray.  If by the time you lay your weary head upon your (too expensive) pillow after doing the varied amounts of things that make you want to run away to an island and forget your very name, yet have also managed NOT to throttle your ‘better’ half, then guess what…good for you.  And most importantly, when after so many years of cohabitating together you still slightly worry where he/she is when they’re late and find yourself calling them or peering out the window looking for their car, then seriously bravo.  You’ve somehow managed to attain what I think is the ‘holy grail’ of relationships. 

Manic passion, romance filled with hearts and cupids, crazy gotta have it now sex, heat that scorches the skin, an insanity that grips you upon simply glancing at your object of lust, and all those other things are well and good but they all eventually dim in intensity, with time.  Life intrudes upon all this to knock you upside the head and yell at you to pay attention to it.  This is just a fact (or at least fact from my point of view). 

For those out there who have found what I described above, congratulations.  I hope that you continue to be happy and secure and yes even sometimes fuzzy slipper comfy.  For those who have not found it, I hope that one day you do.  I’m not cursing you, I swear it.  Don’t worry, I mean I’m not saying it’s all boring and humdrum…not at all.  It’s up to you to put the zing in your relationship, to try new things, to spice it all up, to make memories within all those non-memorable days.  But when at times you look at the person who sits across from you each morning and night, who shares your life as well as your bed and think ‘what the hell, how did we become so damn dull?  When did we become that couple?’ then also tell yourself ‘boring isn’t so bad, may be tomorrow we’ll try…’ and move on, plot.  

My suggestion, don’t do what I sometimes find myself doing.  I will read something or watch something on the tube that will push me down a spiral of longing for romance which I will realize I don’t really have anymore.  In a flurry of anger and resentment I will turn on P and literally blindside him with demands for this and that while flinging accusations at him of what he doesn’t do or neglected to do.  He’ll often stand there looking dazed and confused, scratching his noggin and wondering why he came home from work at all (he doesn’t say that but I can see it in his eyes).  But the poor guy really isn’t to blame.  For the most part I’m pretty undemanding.  Media is the devil I tell you.

I don’t know where I was originally going with this blog.  It started off with just relating how cute I thought this particular couple had been, turning into what I wrote above.  There is a lot more I can say about love/marriage but this isn’t the blog for it.  May be however it’s a good start?

Anyhow, off to bed.  Have a good one folks.  Oh, I also haven’t forgotten the rest of the Seattle entries but I can easily compare myself to a 2 year old who quickly loses interest in her old toys.  Seattle is an old toy for right now.