There was a repressed sense of excitement that permeated the air which was practically palpable. The laughter was so loud that I flinched at its harshness. It was overwhelming and seemed forced. In fact, it was to some degree completely fake but only obvious to those who knew. Yet they plastered a smile upon their faces, eyes glittering with something that the general populace would have missed. Things were amiss.
I turned, slipping out noiselessly, not that any noise in the world could have overshadowed the present clamor. Turning a few asked, most knew, others didn't see. I was glad about that but I didn't care anyhow. Nothing mattered anymore. I needed to get out.
Avoiding eye contact I found what I was looking for, well sort of. It wasn't the escape portal which could have saved me, pulled me from the abyss which yawned before me. No there was no such thing, at least not that I knew of but for now this door would do.
The chipped blue wooden door creaked in protest, the slightly rusted hinges groaning it's unexpected activity but gave way. Opening it only wide enough to squeeze myself through, I made sure it was shut behind me so that hopefully no one would notice the entrance having been disturbed and come to investigate. Turning back I wrinkled my nose as I noted the rancid smell of mold, rotting wood and other things that didn't need identifying.
Pulling the dupatta that hung about me closer into the shelter of my body I moved forward with almost mincing steps. There was a weak light coming from the top of the flight of stairs that was about 4 feet in front of me. It was dark and I knew that traversing the narrow stairs wasn't a good idea particularly in the heels I was wearing but I had enough of all that was happening below. I was willing to risk falling down the stairs and breaking my neck just for some alone time.
Slowly I made my way up, up to the sliver of light that was my only guiding way and finally got to the other door. I stood there and pushed through. Immediately warmth, hotter then even that from inside, rushed out to greet me. There was no relief from the ever present heat. My hair and skin became immediately saturated, the collar of the kameez clinging to my skin due to the humidity. It was difficult to even take a lung full of air for it hung thick about me. But again I was willing to suffer any adverse effects if a solitary moment was in the making.
Moving silently, I headed for the darkest corner of the empty roof top, which was hidden by a line of sari's left to dry from that mornings laundry but clearly forgotten to be taken inside. This suited me fine as I ducked under the luminous floating white fabric. The vista that beheld me was congested, teaming with life and activity. The smell of overripe mango's, sweets and fried foods perfumed the air. Music wafted from below, some song that I knew and would have hummed along with had the heaviness of my heart not prevented anything other then sadness to rule my world.
Glancing around quickly to make sure that no unwanted intruders were present, I made my way to a long since discarded Dano Milk powder tin and opened it. There at the bottom was my salvation, temporary maybe but still salvation: a pack of cigarettes I had slashed a few days back. Eagerly I pulled one out, along with the matches and lit it, amazed out how my hands slightly trembled.
Leaning against the side of the smallish cement building that housed a myriad of crap that I didn't feel like knowing about, I took a long drag, exhaling slowly. Bliss. I closed my eyes and almost believed I was home. But I wasn't. Home was far away along with my happiness.
Pushing away from the wall I took a few steps to the edge where there was nothing but a short cement barrier that barely reached my knees. I bent forward and peered down. 3 flights down. It wasn't that far.
Lifting the cigarette to my lips, I closed around the filter and slowly breathed, taking a lung full then ever so slowly I let go...
I turned, slipping out noiselessly, not that any noise in the world could have overshadowed the present clamor. Turning a few asked, most knew, others didn't see. I was glad about that but I didn't care anyhow. Nothing mattered anymore. I needed to get out.
Avoiding eye contact I found what I was looking for, well sort of. It wasn't the escape portal which could have saved me, pulled me from the abyss which yawned before me. No there was no such thing, at least not that I knew of but for now this door would do.
The chipped blue wooden door creaked in protest, the slightly rusted hinges groaning it's unexpected activity but gave way. Opening it only wide enough to squeeze myself through, I made sure it was shut behind me so that hopefully no one would notice the entrance having been disturbed and come to investigate. Turning back I wrinkled my nose as I noted the rancid smell of mold, rotting wood and other things that didn't need identifying.
Pulling the dupatta that hung about me closer into the shelter of my body I moved forward with almost mincing steps. There was a weak light coming from the top of the flight of stairs that was about 4 feet in front of me. It was dark and I knew that traversing the narrow stairs wasn't a good idea particularly in the heels I was wearing but I had enough of all that was happening below. I was willing to risk falling down the stairs and breaking my neck just for some alone time.
Slowly I made my way up, up to the sliver of light that was my only guiding way and finally got to the other door. I stood there and pushed through. Immediately warmth, hotter then even that from inside, rushed out to greet me. There was no relief from the ever present heat. My hair and skin became immediately saturated, the collar of the kameez clinging to my skin due to the humidity. It was difficult to even take a lung full of air for it hung thick about me. But again I was willing to suffer any adverse effects if a solitary moment was in the making.
Moving silently, I headed for the darkest corner of the empty roof top, which was hidden by a line of sari's left to dry from that mornings laundry but clearly forgotten to be taken inside. This suited me fine as I ducked under the luminous floating white fabric. The vista that beheld me was congested, teaming with life and activity. The smell of overripe mango's, sweets and fried foods perfumed the air. Music wafted from below, some song that I knew and would have hummed along with had the heaviness of my heart not prevented anything other then sadness to rule my world.
Glancing around quickly to make sure that no unwanted intruders were present, I made my way to a long since discarded Dano Milk powder tin and opened it. There at the bottom was my salvation, temporary maybe but still salvation: a pack of cigarettes I had slashed a few days back. Eagerly I pulled one out, along with the matches and lit it, amazed out how my hands slightly trembled.
Leaning against the side of the smallish cement building that housed a myriad of crap that I didn't feel like knowing about, I took a long drag, exhaling slowly. Bliss. I closed my eyes and almost believed I was home. But I wasn't. Home was far away along with my happiness.
Pushing away from the wall I took a few steps to the edge where there was nothing but a short cement barrier that barely reached my knees. I bent forward and peered down. 3 flights down. It wasn't that far.
Lifting the cigarette to my lips, I closed around the filter and slowly breathed, taking a lung full then ever so slowly I let go...
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