Once I was Lost...

And here I am, sitting at a quaint little neighborhood coffee shop not far from where I reside.  The floors in this particular cafe is blond wood, the walls are painted a calm soft gray with white trim and the proprietress along with the barista are charming ladies who chats pleasantly but doesn't overdo it.  The coffee is yum, the ambiance relaxing, the music a mix bag of popular covers in soft tones and eclectic whatever and there's free parking to boot.  If you know what this area is like, you know what a huge bonus free anything is and one shouldn't turn their noses up at this minor fact.  

It's turned cold here in NVA/DC, almost instantly as one day we woke up and realized, we need sweaters.  But Mother Nature is a Fickle Friend so who knows what tomorrow may bring.  As for today, it's dreary with a hint of rain in the air.  My iPhone boldly displays raindrops but they have yet to be felt or sighted.  I'm okay with this.

Staying home is not an option though in fear that I may opt for snoozing the day away on the sofa or snuggled under the covers as opposed to doing what needs to be done, mainly applying for jobs.  Besides, I needed a change of scenery due to the blues, which I've had.  Note, I've mentioned that I'm applying for jobs...still...a year later.  Yea, now you know where the blues are coming from but moving right along...

Last night on FB, as I was looking through "on this day" I reconnected with some of my own musings from years past which inevitably led to opening up this very blog (back then and now).  The reception of those thoughts had been so well received that maintaining a digital diary seemed to be something that was doable.  I was wrong in so many ways.  Although there is proof that I've blogged plenty through the years, it really isn't much at all in comparison to others who make the blogosphere their universe.  Life and laziness, both in spades, got into the way of my ponderings as I found days and then weeks slip by without typing even a single letter towards an entry.  Let me be clear, this is no excuse really but rather a fact.

Clearly I've been MIA for a while now if you go by the last thing I wrote.  In a post yesterday on FB I expounded at length about how I needed to get back to it (nearly a daily bellyaching from yours truly) and figured I needed some sort of motivation or even possibly a muse, inspiration.  I couldn't understand what stopped me over and over again from finishing up those entries I had already started (and there are many that I've saved on varied subjects).  Why did they remain unfinished, unwanted even when the topics were relevant in many ways to what's happening in the world, even to my life?  I wasn’t sure.

Then today, as I texted via Whatsapp with my girl S from Germany (I told you I'd mention our convo), I had an epiphany: I had lost the joy of blogging somewhere along the way because it was no longer fun.  I had lost the very purpose as to why I opened up this thing in the first place.  Initially it had been sharing bits and pieces of my life.  The mundane, the boring, the normal, the everyday.  But I had a unique way of looking at things (or so I was told), in how I observed the world and would spit that back out in words that would amuse others.  All this was in a way to prove that although I was of a different race, a different religion…my experiences weren’t all that different from anyone else’s, regardless of where I hung my hat.  It was my distinctive way of proclaiming “hey look, regardless of everything, we really are the same, I mean look at my life…”   Think of it as a bridge in this world where everyone seems to be on an island all by themselves with their own outrageous thoughts with no will to see similarities, only differences. 

The gain from it all was that I would enjoy the reactions I got from readers.  At times I would get commendations for making readers smile, giggle or laugh and maybe that's what I really wanted, what I liked.  The bonus would be some sort of personal epiphany or ‘aha’ moment that was delivered via my thoughts.  Commonality was achieved, a meeting of minds, a connection.  It was wonderful.  The small joys were often in watching my Google Analytics display that at least 20+ people had read my writing and it always astounded me without fail that anyone would even take those few seconds out of their world to read my rubbish.  Maybe…it wasn’t rubbish, huh?

What happened then because it seemed to be going so very well?  Truthfully, along the way I became big headed.  Yes, I said it:  Big headed or otherwise known as egotistical.  I convinced myself that my thoughts about religion and politics and world issues were important and I needed to, no...no HAD to, put them out there, to deliver a message along with every blog because otherwise what was the point of writing anyhow if not to get across something important, ground shaking, foundation rattling?

I was severally deluded.  While my thoughts are important, to me and a few close friends, the reality is that it doesn't make a damn bit of difference in the larger scheme of things.  Who precisely was I going to transform?  What was I trying to achieve other than saying "look at it from my point of view" and whereas that is important because every revolution and change starts with a simple "my point of view" I wasn't saying anything that wasn't said before.  But this need to get a message across overshadowed the fun of why I started to do this in the first place.  And now...sitting in this charming coffee spot, I realized that I didn't always want to be mired down in the 'heavy'.  Yes, I’m soul searching.

I know this much about myself and this writing talent (if you wish to call it that at all) which is that it is organic and free flowing.  Sounds super hippy dippy as if I'm burning sage and twirling around in a tie-dyed skirt with a big ol' crystal around my neck to balance my chakra or whatever, right?  Trust me, not my thing.  But truly my strength has always laid in observing the world around me with a humorous angle/twist.  At one time when I wrote, I wrote with no agenda or topic in mind (unless it was a challenge), allowing my fingers to fly freely and a stream of consciousness to prevail rather than rigid hypothesis' that requires evidence.  I have always wanted people to read some of my blabbering and think to themselves, "I've never quite looked at it like that" or "she's funny" or "maybe everything isn't so terrible/boring, it's just about perspective".  And I know now, after today, that I need to, actually have to, get back to that frame of mind in order to validate why I write at all and bring back the joy. 

And yea, I need validation.  I'm not above that. 

So here's the first entry after so long that I'm enjoying writing.  Truly enjoying.  I've been sitting here for about 3 hours enjoying the coffee, although now I’m onto a mango flavored iced tea (super delic).  The place isn't crowded at all, the music is still lovely and I had a great convo with the barista, a young woman who just moved back to the East coast from San Diego about 3 weeks ago.  We commiserated over the weather and I gushed on about how much I love this place.  It was in all honesty a sincere expression of my thoughts.  I was feeling mushy.  Did I mention that the food is good too?  It is.  There’s outdoor seating as well!  And this joint offers wines as well so if that's your thing, I say check it out.  Here's the info for my local friends: 

Emma's Espresso and Wine Bar
106 Hume Avenue
Alexandria, VA 22301

 

Here's a pic for reference of what I'm looking at: 

 

 

If you're all about helping out our local business owners, than I say take a chance and come here.  You won't regret it. 

Oh, it’s worth backtracking for one minute:  I will still write here and there about heavy, weighty topics.  I could never really give that up, particularly because it’s a way of me purging and at times my stupidly analytical brain needs to vomit thoughts all over a blank Word page.  But I won’t restrict myself any longer or stuff myself into some serious box that I can’t get out of when all I want to do is rant on about how hot/cold/whatever it is outside.  Or how the neighbor’s stupid dog barks at me and only at me every time it sees me, which I find to be rude because otherwise dogs generally love me.  Or how I stood at Ross for 10 minutes debating whether I needed to buy another pair of cowboy boots that were on sale for $22 (yes, I bought them).  But that’s for another blog.