I realized a big mistake I made in my last blog. Not just big, but like gigantic…no no, GINORMOUS! Basically I promised, in a fit of passion, that I would blog every single day. I woke up this morning to S texting me with a triumphant “I’m looking forward to a blog per day”. My response was “well damn” and hers back was “you said it, I saw it there, black on...apricot”.
What does this all mean? Basically whether I want to see through with this promise or not, she’s going to hold me accountable. How unreasonable is that? But I’ve also figured out a way to work around this. You’ll see how as the days go by. For today I shall write a legit entry.
I mentioned in my last entry that there is another prayer that is performed during this month. Let me clarify a bit more. Basically in Islam, we have 5 prayers that a follower must practice. They are Fajr (just before sunup), Zuhr or “Dhuhr” as it may be pronounced (noon), Asr (afternoon), Magrib (sundown), Isha (night), and also Witr (which is prayed immediately after Witr but can be held off if other prayers are being offered throughout the course of the night). Then during the month of Ramadan and only this month, we also offer Tarawih (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarawih). However keep in mind, this prayer is not a requirement but is rather recommended. Also throughout the course of the month, particularly while reading this particular prayer, mosques will recite the whole Quran.
Phew.
I mean, wow right? That’s a lot isn’t it? Actually, just reading all that makes my head spin, seriously. And our prayers ain’t about kneeling and clasping your hands, oh no, ours is physical. Up, down, up, down, bend, stretch, on and on it goes. I mean, which other religion builds in exercise to your routine? But I have to be honest, I mean it’s not like I do all normal 5 prayers daily (which yes we’re supposed to do, it is required, and I’m a bad, bad Muslim) but then during this month we get an extra? How is that fair? And since I found out that Tarawih is not a must, I have in the past taken advantage of this fact and not performed it. Yes, here I am admitting this freely. My mother would not be proud of me right about now, I’m sure.
But here’s the thing, I used to pray rather regularly (regularly is rather a loose term here because it was far more than I do now, which is practically zero), and even the Tarawih, till about 3 years ago when I felt a bit of my life unravel. It’s a time in my existence that I’d rather not remember and completely comfortable with never sharing the details. I can tell you that due to it, my whole world shifted and I moved away from not only my religion but Allah. I do what I have to do, but no more. This is a mental block I suppose.
However this year something has shifted slightly. I feel it. As much as I’ve been dreading the arrival of Ramadan, last night as I was preparing to perform the Tarawih prayer, wondering how I could get away with not doing so, a bizarre sense of zen stole over me. It was as if all the beauty and reverence of the month suddenly took me in, hugged me close, and assured me that I was loved. Sounds strange? I don’t know if others can even understand what I speak of but to me, it was a rush of warmth that stole over me and I was reminded of countless past Ramadan’s that were practiced with fierceness of belief, of the excitement of what the holy month meant, of the absolute love for the religion I followed. The specter of all that suddenly floated back and there it was this urge to sit on the prayer mat and pour my heart out.
That’s what I did.
Today for the most part my family and friends have started the month long fast. All day I have received messages and calls from varied individuals who have asked how the day has been progressing. I respond with a simple ‘good’ and have left it at that. I too have reached out and asked and have received various replies ranging from "it's okay so far" to "I'm trying not to think about it" to "seriously, what time does this end?". In this situation though, I assure you that solidarity is definitely found in numbers. It’s nice to know that although it may be difficult (bordering on torturous at certain times), we are all indeed in the same boat.
Anyhow, let’s see what happens tomorrow.
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