You're thinking, "what?" What's she talking about? Well...I'm serious. I am. So what sort of slave am I? Okay well maybe the word 'slave' is a bit harsh however somehow it's applicable here. In case you didn't realize it, so are you (for the most part). And I'm not talking about personal, let's stick to professional for a moment.
I always sort of envisioned myself as a 'career' woman since I was a little girl. While others played with pots and pans (I did too on the occasion but rather then cooking I was being served by my friends) and their baby dolls, I imagined carrying a brief case around one day and having a secretary to tell to go get me coffee and type out letters for me to sign. I thought, lawyer, I wanted to be a lawyer cause I was always arguing and making stuff up, so lawyer it was! But somewhere along the way to adulthood I realized either Law School wasn't good enough for me or I wasn't good enough for it though I wanted to consider some profession that would involve the law, other then say becoming an inmate in some state penitentiary somewhere. Since that wasn't an option really (cause the idea of being the girl toy to some big boned woman going by the name of "Big Bertha" was fairly off-putting) I stuck to what I was sort of considering...being a paralegal. Don't know what that is? Well look it up lazy butt, I'm not going to do all your homework for you.
Here's what a paralegal is not...a Lawyer. Neither are they secretaries FYI. Lots of people underestimate those of my ilk, thinking that we were or are too stupid to have gone or admitted to law school...uh...sure you can think that but it would be a stupid assumption. I know plenty of people who went to law school and honestly I still wonder till this day what they had to do to get in *ahem*, no offense, just sayin'.
So, much to my parents sadness (and I believe to an extent no matter how much they are proud of me, a part of them still wishes I had gone or would go to law school so they could brag they have a lawyer as a kid) I decided a paralegal is what I shall be and off I went. When I was in L.A. I worked at some small inconsequential firms as a file clerk...I had no responsibility, no stress, left work at 5pm and never had to check a blackberry (wait I don't even think those darn things existed back then). It was a life I should have enjoyed but I was young and serious about having a career, not just a job. So after 3 years of that nonsense a few things happened that caused us to make the decision to come back to the east coast, closer to family. It was probably the best decision we made and after stuffing my 4runner with some stuff while sending off the bulk of our belongings in a big truck ahead of us, we took off crossing the country in the span of 4 days. The DOJ had called. And I answered.
What I didn't realize was that government jobs can be mind-numbingly boring and after only a 6 month stint I got me a paralegal job in the private sector. Now in hindsight, I should have remained at the beach but alas my fate was sealed and nearly since 2000 I've been steadily working up the proverbial carrier ladder. What no one told me was that the rungs on that blasted ladder was like 20 feet away from each other and that on the way I would become a slave.
I think back to those years...well actually 'those' years weren't so long ago, like as recent as 2008 when I was eating, breathing and yes even dreaming about work. No joke, there were a few occasions when I went to bed and dreamed of spreadsheets or room full of reviewers...don't ask. It wasn't odd for me to work 36, 48 or even 72 hours straight with nearly no sleep. I accepted this thinking that the payoff was greater, the satisfaction of a job well done just reward. Sure, I mean it was pretty much true yet the thing about working those manic hours? Well it takes a toll on ones body, mind and most certainly spirit. I wasn't a very pleasant person to be around perpetually ignoring friends and family in order to take care of my cases.
Now, as I have been doing this for long enough, there came a point where I thought to myself: enough is enough I shant kill myself any more and shall cruise along doing the best I can and hopefully not kill myself in the process with long hours and end up in the hospital again (don't ask, it did happen once). And for the most part this happened and stayed thus for a nice few years. Then my x-firm x'ed me and I was left to start anew.
This starting anew business is bunk, that's what it is. Get used to a new place, figure out temperaments, the lay of the land, new databases and work procedures...blah blah blah...and then expectations, let's not forget them. I mean someone wants you to come in early, someone else is okay if you're late but then stay late too, how about working every single day till 9, 10, 11...hell why go home? Oh and also the weekends, you of course will work, right, your family isn't at all important I'm sure? And BTW, we need you to sell your soul to us because we pay you and we demand it. Thanks.
Up to this point it's been okay, like theory and stuff at how much I'll be working but now the gloves have come off and the demands are being made. Last week...phew. No kidding I saw more of this office than I saw of my house or P. It was nonstop and although generally speaking I thrive on fast paced work that makes the day go by a bit faster, what I don't particularly love is being nothing but a slave to the office, where the 4-walls become more of a jail cell then anything else. You know it's bad when the night guard looks at you and shakes his head in sympathy. And this my friends is just the beginning is what I hear.
Yea, so you wonder if I'm a slave? I am (just paid). What I have to figure out is how long I plan to stay like this or whether it's best if I just cut my losses now and run for the hills (although I'm not much of a runner so how about Segue for the hills?). I don't mind hard work or long hours but when it's sort of assumed that you will be doing so every.bleeding.day and your weekends are theirs for the asking, well I have a slight issue with that. Umm...yup, just a slight.
So let's see what I decide upon. It'll be as much a surprise to me as to anyone else.
Now, I'm going to go home before someone pings me to stay late. Heck it took me a week to write this little entry!
