Ponderings of 2017 and Wishes for You

2018 is only a few short weeks away, folks.

Let that sink in.  Really, let that sink in. 

I don’t know about anyone else but this is very hard for me to digest for some reason.  It’s not as if I bumped my head, slipped into a comatose state, and just now waking up to find that a year has leapt forward without me any wiser.  I’ve lived every day of 2017, I’m 100% certain.  I mean, have I really ‘lived’ it?  Probably not and that’s why I haven’t noticed it go by so seamlessly. 

I remember stepping into 2017 thinking it couldn’t be any worse than the torture that was '16.  I believe a lot of us thought this way.  Foolish us *snort*.  We collectively tempted fate and in the process were so very, very wrong.  We were quickly reminded to never, ever fuck with or lay a challenge down for Mistress Fate because she has always been up to prove that we silly mortals shall bow to her will eventually and subsequently be crushed under the heel of her stiletto’s without her blinking twice.  Hence she showed us her might, every single blasted day of this bloody year.

Coming out of 2017, I honestly feel like meat that’s been chucked into the food processor, blended thoroughly, taken out only to be thrown off a cliff, run over by stampeding bulls and finally flattened by a dozer after which rabid mongrels are nibbling on my carcass.  Yea, that’s not even an exaggeration.  Funny (not the haha kind) enough, I think there are lots of people who possibly feel the exact same way. 

After a year that was dominated by politics, particularly by the orange-hued baboon that was elected into the most powerful position in the world as the President of the United States of America, there has been nothing but instability.  Our society here is more divided than ever (or we are just truly understanding this thanks to social media).  Every day there is some new and disturbing news that dominates our conversations, relationships, lives.  Families have been torn apart, alliances ripped at the seam, and friendships destroyed, even marriages devastated and wrecked.  No bond has been spared in some way and subsequently new tribes have been formed.  Those you couldn’t imagine ever knowing, now are those who know you best.  Your closest buddies at one time are but mere strangers.  Holidays have become, more than ever, dreaded events that end up in tears, anger, throw-downs.  I’ve heard it all via Facebook particularly.  Twitter has become a medium of executing presidential decisions and media has been labeled ‘fake news’ if they do not fall in-line blindly with the Nazi’s in the White House.

We are watching strong allies turning their backs on us and rightfully so for in the meantime enemies have been lauded and courted, well respected individuals insulted, groups of different people disenfranchised, and sexual harassment the new normal.  People of color, women…hell any minority at all, are living with a constant sense of discomfort that any day something could/will happen to them and there will be no recourse available, they will find no justice or protection.  The very meaning of ‘equal rights’ has taken a sharp turn and nutjobs from supremacist/extremist groups have the ear of the POTUS.  Children are not safe and to abuse one seems no longer like such a big deal by those who follow the elephant as a political symbol.  People are scared of leaving their house because a concert could become a blood bath and certain human beings are not allowed to use a bathroom facility without restrictions. 

And while last year we were at the glorious cusp of having, for the first time ever, a woman finally leading this great nation, instead she was discredited and in stepped a man who consumes 4000 calories a day while mocking others for being unattractive and overweight.  Of course his caloric intake doesn’t define him as good or bad for a job but you know what does discredit this joke of a thing?  Him brazenly admitting that grabbing a woman by her pussy is A-Okay or him reminding us that the KKK folks have some ‘good folks’ in their midst or that transgender people should not be allowed to fight for their own country because you know, transgender.  Let’s not even speak about his thoughts regarding Muslims or his apparent and blatant misogyny…but the list goes on and on and ON.

So…yea where is the ray of sunshine and hope?  Where is the glimmer of radiance amongst all the darkness?  To be honest, there wasn’t much, not on the world stage and not even on a personal level for me.  Watching another year of unemployment come and go without that status change has depressed me (what else can I feel about it?) and just the general lack of hope has effected everything and everyone around me.  This year was nothing but a struggle, plain and simple.  I actually do hope that someone out there who is reading this has had it a lot better, somehow, and made 2017 one for their own personal wins.  I just can’t claim the same.

With 2018 breathing down our necks, I’m still anxious and my naturally pessimistic self does not believe things will vastly improve because…well that orange pumpkin asshat will still be in office and for those of you who is thinking ‘impeachment’, just stop.  His side will never entertain that (even if they want it so bad they can taste it themselves) at all right now because they do not want the Senate to flip in 2018 back to Democratic control and if anything happens to the ginormous joke in the oval office, his supporters will turn on the Repubs like a pack of wild dogs.  The red party will continue to bite their tongues and support him at least until November of 2018, after that it’ll be a huge toss-up but if they have anything on him then?  It’ll be more like 2019, IMHO, that something like impeachment may become reality.  I for one will be working hard to make that happen and if not him, then flip the majority to lean Democratic.  We need to gain back balance and as it is, everything is terribly lopsided.  Until that thing is booted from DC nothing will be better, absolutely nothing (trust me, I’m not being excessively negative about this, it’s a fact) as division continues, anger and ugliness remains to spew and the worst of humanity will be in full view for the world to behold and the violence…I shiver to think.

Now that I’ve done my best to depress every single person who has thus read this entry to this point, let me at least say something positive…

Umm…so I’ve scanned my brain through the last year to see if there was anything positive I could reference but you know what?  Nope.  And just to be toats honest, I think next year will equally be a complete clusterfuck.  That being said, instead of making a bunch of nonsense up in hopes of sounding ‘glass half full’, I’d rather convey some wishes I have for you, all my family, friends, readers, anyone, which should make reading the rest of this blog a bit more uplifting.  Heck, just writing what I have above depressed the shit out of me so yea, lemme try this... 

Happiness – Certainly a catch all and so basic yet missing in so many people’s lives.  Yea, this one.  Simple but nonetheless needs to be said. 

Success – However it’s defined to you.  The ‘to you’ is the important part the prior sentence because no two individual’s definition is the same, right?  Whatever it is that brings you pride, smiles, the feels, that’s the success I want for you so whether it’s getting that degree you’ve been working so diligently to obtain or creating the perfect cupcake recipe or even shooting and scoring a ball of paper into a trashcan, I hope that success is all yours and you can have a moment of preening from it.

Love – Indeed most will read this and immediately equate it to the romantic fluttery hearts sort.  Nah, that’s not what I’m speaking of at all.  I just want for you the feeling of love, the warm that accompanies it, the calm that often walks hand-in-hand with it to come and jump you around some corner.  That’s the love I want to find you, it can be with family, friends, lover, parakeet, whatever…may it beat you into a lovely pulp.

Introspection – This is actually one of the hardest things to do because god knows I’ve gone through years of learning and employing this trait.  It wasn’t always successful and dicey at times but ultimately now I’m quick at being introspective.  It’s helped me grow/evolve (definitely my 2017 word of the year) and face those things about myself which I know I need to change and indeed work hard at changing.  I’m still struggling with it, FYI.  But this I do hope for you also.  Don’t get to the end of your life realizing that you could have fixed something about yourself that you had the power to repair yet didn’t because you were in the dark about yourself while others saw it as clear as day.  While this is an odd wish, I think all of us should eventually get it.

Patience – Oh wow, if you spend more than 5 seconds online, you know this is super in backorder.  In fact, from what I’ve witnessed, it’s damn near extinct.  I’m not sure where it went, not sure who stole it from the lot of us but it’s completely MIA.  May you find yours and for the love of all that’s right in the world, use it.  Don’t just put it in a box and forget about it.  In a world where there is no shortage of opinions, we need to be patience with young and old alike while not trying to punch either in the face. 

Peace – I can say ‘world peace’ but I suppose that’s a given although I am equally aware that the likeliness of that happening is akin to the orange menace telling the truth…IT’S NOT HAPPENING.  Instead I wish you peace in your own life (if not whatever surrounds you) and most importantly what’s in your own mind.  May you find that quiet within even while everything around you is chaotic.  May those doubts, anger, sadness, stress, negatives quieten and find rest while you tap into your positive, to your joy which leads you to a simply better place mentally. 

Tolerance – I believe this is the single most important thing that I can wish for you.  While the other things are, of course kinda key, this one though will help on so many levels.  If you, and everyone, can learn to exercise tolerance then just imagine the world we could be living in?  Oh I know this sounds so kumbaya but at the end of the day, who doesn’t want this?  Here are a few things to think about to help you out:
1.  Be tolerant of those who do not share your opinion for they have the right to theirs as you have the right to yours. 
2.  Be tolerant of those who do not look like you.  Each of you are individuals anyhow and not meant to look alike and if you did, how boring would this world be?
3.  Be tolerant of differences in lifestyle choices for as you have chosen to live your life and shouldn’t be questioned regarding your decisions, neither should anyone else's as long as no harm is coming to anyone. 
4.  Be tolerant of ideologies that does not match yours for we forget that most often experiences are the very things that lead us to believe what we do and shape us as who we are.  If you've never walked a day in someone else's life, then well...you know, just do your own thing and let them do theirs. 
5.  Be tolerant that someone else’s POV could possibly be right, even as yours is right (to you).   And while I shouldn’t have to say this but also try to see where you could, just maybe, be wrong.  

Look, there’s a lot more I can wish so you can go ahead and fill in the blanks.  If I went to list them all out this would be a bloody book, not a blog and as it is, this is way longer than I intended (as all of my blogs tend to be…hmmm…).  Just know that at the end of the day, I want good to come to you, that’s all.  I’m not too nice to want this, I’m just human.  I want this.  I am greedy for all the things above so I’m just putting out there what I want back.  And if somewhere along the way you get any of these things than I have found the first thing that I listed, happiness. 

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate. 
Happy Chanukah to those who celebrate.
Happy Holidays to every single one of my readers whether you’re celebrating something or not.

I pray that 2018 be way less an epic mess than 2017.            

A Muslim During Christmas

The holidays are here and I feel the excitement building within me as good cheer and spirit begins to fill my being.  Whoa…that was one cheesy line but nonetheless true and inevitably this happens every year, regardless of how I try to tell myself to calm the hell down.  It happens without fail as soon as the leaves start to turn colors.  First, it’s all about Halloween.  Then of course Thanksgiving, although the Indian Music and Dance Competition that my family has been hosting for the last 34 years competes against it (pun intended), so I can never totally enjoy it to the extent I would like but then…my utmost favorite holiday, Christmas. 

Right at this moment, particularly if you’re a new blog reader of mine, you’re cocking your head to one side, scrunching up your brows and even possibly scratching your head as you think, “wait, but isn’t she Muslim?!”  I’ll spare you the scrolling and confirm that indeed I am very much a Muslim.   So how is it that not only do I get hyped about Christmas but that I also actually put up a tree in my home (which is presently standing all twinkly and beautiful in my formal living room as we speak)?  I shall explain why and the philosophy behind the decision.  Consider this a twofer.

In honor of my big bro, his fav cartoon character.

It probably wasn’t until I was 10 that the first tree went up in our home.  Before that, regardless of how I pestered (which I did a lot) my parents to let me decorate a tree, they steadfast refused without much explanation beyond they were parents and didn’t have to tell me reasons.  I grudgingly accepted while muttering under my breath and stomping away.  That memorable day though, as we came home from our last day of school before winter break, it had started to snow and I was busy catching flakes on my tongue, leaping and twirling while my older bro rolled his eyes and slugged along, his face set into a scowl.  I was positive that my brother actually didn’t know how to smile unless he was with his friends but witnessing at home when they weren’t around?  It just didn’t happen.  Let’s just say that my brother was and still to some extent is an introvert. 

When we came abreast to the house, a smallish white rancher with a big yard and long driveway, the curtains of the windows were open wide and there it was, clear as day.  Emitting a shriek, I took off at a dead run as my brother gave chase.  We burst through the door and screeched to a stop as we beheld it: scrawny, plastic, but oh so glorious…our first Christmas tree ever.  There were boxes of ornaments spread around the base and coffee table, begging to be hung.  And my parents were also there, although I had wondered if someone hadn’t come in to knock them out, take their places and do this for us.  Or Santa clearly had felt I had been a very good girl, was what I had settled on as the most obvious explanation.

After the first gasp of delight, I jumped up and down, as children are want to do, clapping my hands and screaming excitedly in total delight.  My brother even was gaping at the thing with a smile on his face although he was acting super cool about the whole thing.  And before I could leap at the ornaments, my parents first wanted ‘to talk’.  That was never a good thing, even at that age I knew this. 

So we sat so that the parentals could explained that what we were looking at wasn’t a Christmas tree.  Never being the kind known to bite her tongue, and always having a bit of a smart mouth, I quickly pointed out that it sure looked like one.  My mom gave me side eyes without really having to give it to me that promptly shut me up completely.  She’s still able to do that, just FYI. 

To summarize that conversation:  They hadn’t allowed us to have a tree all those years simply because they wanted for us to understand that we were Muslim’s, first and foremost.  They didn’t want to start to confuse us and while they had spent most of their time helping us assimilate to the USA (as well as themselves) when we immigrated, they had not wanted for us to think for a second that it would ever be okay to lose ourselves, our cultures, our traditions and definitely not our religion (oh, wait that’s what R.E.M. meant!).  So while outside of the home we were every bit American as any kid who had been born here, inside the home we were every bit Bangladeshi, eating, drinking, talking, living it all.  I remember wondering what any of that had to do with the undecorated tree standing a few feet from us and at that point I assure you those words did not resonate as strongly as they do now, when I think back on them. 

My parents were brilliant.

They had gotten us to a point in our own evolution where they knew we could intellectually handle understanding what the tree meant, the symbolism, which to us was something pretty and festive, as opposed to the religious significance and ties (even though I don’t believe to this day they even know that it’s actually a pagan tradition, not Christian).  They never wanted us to feel left out, to grow up missing these things and say we had not really culturally experienced life in the states or rather wasn’t allowed to participate even though we were dragged here without being asked.     I feel as if they hadn’t want to begrudge those things that every kid who lived anywhere had the right to participate in if they were a part of the community.

I wonder how tough that decision had been for them in reality and what sort of risk they had calculated giving into what seemed like such a small concession.  The enormity of it now settles around me and I truly do admire them for having had those difficult discussions with us and compromising despite it probably being unnatural to them.

Now, as an adult with a house of my own, I continue to put up a tree.  It stands in a place where if one was to be driving past, the twinkling lights were visible.  It is also next to where I have a scripture from the Quran, a tapestry that my mother had brought back for me when she had completed the Hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca).  I make sure that in the pictures I take of the tree, the wall hanging is also visible.  I do this for a purpose.  A few years ago, when Ramadan was falling around the time of Christmas, I demurred from putting up the tree in respect, my decision, no one else’s.

And when on occasion a fellow Muslim begins to criticize my questionable choice in participating in the tradition, I simply smile, nod and go about my business.  I understand why they think the way they do, I can’t quite blame them for they are speaking from a religious standpoint, but for me, justifying myself to everyone has been something I’ve given up doing a long time ago.  The joy of putting up a tree, decorating it, gazing at the lights brings me pure childish happiness and peace.  Pulling out the ornaments from the last 20-some-years inevitably brings a rush of memories that I’m glad to have had and even though the space under the tree remains empty (we do not exchange gifts), I have no regrets. 

If for this reason, because of a 7-foot tall tree decorated in my home labels me as a bad Muslim to others, then so be it for I believe Allah knows my intentions best and only He can judge me anyway.  I will never tell someone they should do what I do, I will never tell them not to either.  I believe that everyone has reasons behind their actions and it is not my place to judge them for it, as long as it’s not hurting anyone else.  Kinda simple, eh?

Now you know the meaning behind my tree.  I hope you enjoyed this blog and have a great holiday!

Peace!